This Toilet is Engaged

2007-12-23T18:44:00.000+08:00

2007-10-24T11:21:00.000+08:00

by now, everybody knows the events that had transpired in ayala these past few days... i don't really want to get into the grit of it because it makes me shiver just thinking about it, and because of the fact that everybody's talking about it, probably sensationalizing it.

the truth is, i wasn't there when friday happened. i was with ces. she picked me up and i rode with her to work. which is weird, because we've been on the same shift for the past few days and it was only then that i remembered to message her. then we got stuck in traffic. nothing major, just your usual friday afternoon smattering of vehicles on edsa. we got to ayala ten minutes later than usual. we saw all the commotion, not really knowing what happened until i had to call the office because i was too scared to cross the street and brave opposing the tide of people coming at me.

if we came on time, i would have gone inside the mall to buy something to eat.

ces would go drive around the back of the mall to get to work.

both did not happen because we were stuck in traffic for just ten minutes.

my point is, it's good to know that Someone's looking out for us and that i'm happy to be alive right now. that last entry would be the end of my "can i just die" series. for surely, what i may be going through could not be any worse than that day.

------------

now for something i absolutely love...

he stands alone

this is university avenue back in the 50's. notice that a certain landmark is missing beyond these vast, open spaces. if i remember correctly, the oblation symbolizes sacrificial offering of one's self to the country, or something along that line. back then, he stood alone. parang iniwan siya sa gitna ng kaparangan para mabulok na lang. and now, over fifty years after, up has grown to house many who live by what this lone monument symbolizes... and then some. ehehe. ngayon siguro sinasabi na ni oble, "nakikita mo ba 'yan lahat? this is all mine." anggaleng. well, that is kung nagsasalita man ang monumentong ito, which would be creepy if you ask me. hehe. i've never had more pride for my alma mater than when i found this pic. love it!

Untitled.

2007-10-17T12:12:00.000+08:00

i found this one on friendster. a friend had reposted it. we don't really know who wrote it (so you can stop speculating that i did this one. hehe). let's just say it got to me a tiny bit. Ü

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Meantime Girl

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh.

She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend.

She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She 's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.

She's too understanding, too comfortable. She doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.

But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her.

She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.

She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs.

Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight , or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe.

She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head.

She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings.

She has a heart.

In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won't be around.

------------------------------------------------------------

Off-Topic:

the past few days have been a testament to how screwed up i can be. a colleague of mine even jokingly commented that the phrase "when it rains, it pours" was very appropriate. then he added, "you have to make it stop."

so i thought i did. especially since i was feeling a bit lost and drowned in pending tasks. i finished them all last night, staying until one in the morning, so as not to keep them hanging when i take a day off. i was proud of myself for finishing. and i thought i did good.

but i woke up, and was told i didn't.

hay. i am starting to have second thoughts. i'm very much against quitting but i can't help but wonder, maybe i'd be better off with a desk job. or with any other job. just not this.

but i can't afford to stop. so i guess i'll just have to suck it up, be a girl (because being a man doesn't help me here, and oh no, being a woman doesn't either), and watch helplessly as it drains my life force to be replaced with boundless stress.

grabe. i think this post deserves the title, "Can I Just Die?! (Part 2)"

For the Movie Buffs...

2007-09-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

I haven't posted any blog junk for quite some time now so i guess you can forgive me for this one. hehe. it's a movie line generator! hehe. hayluveeet! kahit na sobrang laos na malamang nito, i still found it so funny. got some of my faves here. if you want to try it out for yourself to satisfy your sick, twisted minds, or just cater to your vanity, click this.

That Rach is the pure, physical manifestation of Sadako's hatred.

Which movie was this quote from?

What do you want to marry Rach for, anyhow?

Which movie was this quote from?

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world Rach didn't exist.

Which movie was this quote from?

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty Rach!

Which movie was this quote from?

There is a Rach coming. Are you sure you're on the right side?

Which movie was this quote from?

You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your Rach together and blow.

Which movie was this quote from?

Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the Rach.

Which movie was this quote from?

This is the day you shall always remember as the day that you almost caught Rach.

Which movie was this quote from?

Well, a Rach's a Rach, but they call it 'le Rach'.

Which movie was this quote from?

Say hello to my little Rach!

Which movie was this quote from?

With great power comes great Rach.

Which movie was this quote from?

I feel the need - the need for Rach!

Which movie was this quote from?

And for an hour, for an hour - I'm the best Rach in the world...

Which movie was this quote from?

One Rach's too many, and a hundred's not enough.

Which movie was this quote from?

...

2007-09-18T00:26:00.000+08:00

somebody told me that a career in hotel operations and the like are best for people who are happy-go-lucky, carefree, and who don't have a care in the world. to bring the point home, this person also commented that regular 9-5 desk jobs are suited for people who have priorities.

could you blame me if i spontaneously combust right now?

although i probably did not get what this person really wanted to say, i felt insulted. i don't know. probably because that's how i started thinking anyway, before i realized through experience that it's not quite how i thought it would be.

it's true, a lot of people who work in the service industry are carefree, mainly because the idea of being chained to a cubicle for eight hours bores them. but when you work in an environment when holidays, weekends, night-outs, and other social activities which involve people in your life (outside from work, i mean) is virtually non-existent, some crack. why? because the first thing that it will do for you is to emphasize your priorities. it makes you realize what you wouldn't want to miss out on. and every free time you get, you'd want to spend on what you think is really important.

this should be the same thing with 9-5 jobs, i think. that's why you get them in the first place, because you know you have priorities. but after a while, since you are fully aware that you would have weekends, holidays, and evenings to devote to these priorities... many tend to take them for granted. and that, my friends, is what really sucks.

haay... i'm babbling again. may sense kaya ang mga pilosopiya kong ito?! kasi sa akin, it helps me understand. hehe.

i tried to be the "happy-go-lucky" kind of gal again. went out to sidebar with fo's pm shift last friday night. it's been a while since i went out to grab a few drinks. here's a sneak preview of what you might see uploaded on my multiply soon:

looks like an ad. hehe. that's shyne, me, louise, and tham. with an assortment of beers and cocktails all around. hehe. shyne had 3 frozen margaritas, and ordered 3 daiquiris. we got around 6 or 7 rounds of beer. hehe. no wonder we were truly plastered!

makes us forget that the next day we had to go back to living our lives again. ngyek.

Ang Pilosopiya ni Rach

2007-09-05T13:00:00.000+08:00

maganda ang araw ko kahapon. galing. kasi naman, sunud-sunod na "blessings" ang dumating. di ko nga inakala na sabay-sabay lahat ng iyon. pero ayus din. sobrang ganda ng mood ko kahapon.

may superstition lang ako tungkol sa mga bagay na ganito, makeshift philosophy ko. ang mga incentives kasi sa akin, bonus lang talaga. i have what i make from my regular job, at 'yun ang talagang budgeted ko. kapag may dumadating na extra, gusto ko siyang i-share. parang sariling version ko ng pay-it-forward. kasi nga, bigay lang sa akin 'yung mga 'yun. di naman ako nag-exert ng extra effort para dun, ginagawa ko lang ang trabaho ko. it's just some people's way of showing their appreciation for what we do. sa palagay ko, 'yung ganung treatment nila, dapat ko rin ipakita sa ibang tao, especially para sa mga importanteng tao sa akin. so kung may extra ako, or may bago akong incentives, i share it with the people who mean a lot to me. kasi kung itatago ko lang para sa akin iyon... di na ako mabibigyan ng incentives! hehe. kasi itatago na lang din ng mga nagbibigay sa akin iyon. wehehe. hanep sa pilosopiya. minsan nga lang, may hindi nakakagets kung bakit ko ginagawa ito.

so ayun, masaya ako kahapon. the day before that, nagpa-ice cream ako. nag-coffee naman kami kahapon ni ces. nung una akong nabigyan ng incentive, nagdadala ako palagi ng food sa telex (chips, popcorn, crinkles), edi instant moments din ang nagagawa! hehe. o diba, saan ka pa makakahanap ng pilosopiyang walang down side? :D

Can I Just Die Part 1

2007-08-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

i should have gone to bed an hour ago so i could get some rest before my early shift and yet i parked my ass right in front of the computer. i suddenly had the urge to write something down. i'm sorry blog, i know you've been really sad these past few months, you've been devoid of the dirt i used to serve. don't worry, you still are number one for me. that other account is all face value hon... believe me. hehe.

okay. seriously, i'm waiting. and most probably, this will become fruitless. because the longer i sit and type here, the more the nav bar thing on the side of this window gets smaller, the chances of anything else happening diminishes as well. ohwel. i should really start getting used to this, nothing has really changed. the what-ifs never really came true, so why start hoping now? i can be such a sissy at the most inconvenient times. i hate this. whining's not exactly my thing but i find myself doing more and more of it everyday. i think i'm starting to turn into a girl. ugh. why should this happen this late in the game?!

for weeks now the only kind of life that i've been living is work. work work work work work sleep. hahaha. i've always thought that working would give some semblance of purpose or structure in my life, but recently all that it's done to me is take my life hostage. don't get me wrong, i like what i do and i'm starting to warm up to the people i work with. but still... is getting more than enough monetarily really worth a life like this... or a lack of it for that matter?

i'm starting to become a recluse. i can't seem to get a hold of anyone lately. it's not that i'm not trying... i don't know. i don't even want to think about what could be wrong anymore. so, i've taken this opportunity to go back and do something i've always loved... reading! haha. don't think that i'm all for those bestseller books that are supposedly thought provoking, i don't think i could handle that much intellect right now, that will just stress me out more. so, i went out and bought a couple of chick lits. they're fun to read, very easy, and humorous most of the time. it's a brainless guilty pleasure... hmmm... i can't wait to get back to my books already.

if i'm just not tired all the time, i'd pick up the baking again. ohwel. i can't have everything. i think the world has driven that point home for me already.

i am going to sleep now. the only bad thing about reading chick lit is it turns you into a romantic... even if it's very impractical (let alone heartbreaking) to be one.

-------------------------------------------

*** pahiram lang ng catch phrase, ge.

Doodads

2007-08-18T02:51:00.000+08:00

finally! broadband internet! ahahaha. after years of suffering from dsl ("dial sa landline" as my clever sister and her equally witty boyfriend pointed out), I am finally connected to the whole wide web of the world a whole lotta faster. haha.

and this led me to updating my multiply site! which has been set up a few months ago, but has never been up and running until today, when i could upload my pics with utter ease.

so, without further ado, you may now click the link and browse through.

O_O

2007-07-27T15:51:00.000+08:00

finally, my pc's up and running. it has been an agonizing three months, one of which has kept me muted because of my computer crashing. haay. the only way i could get in a little net time was when i'm in telex. heehee. naughty newbie.

well, the rosy glow of getting a new job is slowly fading, and i am now getting in the middle of all the action. it's been two weeks since i started training with front desk, and already i have been shouted at, berated, and almost got myself caught up in the middle of a financial audit. haaay. this job is absolutely exhausting, but i could never think of doing anything else. i'm now trying to minimize the mistakes i make, and soon enough i'll be able to run things pretty smoothly. i've never had any doubts that i'd be able to figure things, and with a lot of people thinking the same way, it won't be that bad.

then there's this other thing. we used to joke about how we learn to fake a lot of things when we get into the hotel industry. now, i'm doing just that. as much as i love working with a lot of the other people, there are still those who try both my patience and my ability to keep my sarcasm (or when worse comes to worst, my heavy hand) in check. luckily, there's not really a lot of them, and well, let's just say that i have my ways in telling them i can't be pushed around. hehe.

mervs & i have been hanging out lately at the new trinoma mall because of the fact that it would give henry sy a panic attack, and well, because we like browsing through their shops and it's no hassle to just get off the mrt after work and stroll straight into the mall. hehe. talk about convenience. but it's been kind of crowded this past few days, owe it all to everybody's curiosity, the fad thang, and the convenience factor, so we've sort of reverted back to sm. just goes to show how antisocial we are.

we've been lurking around in the movie theaters... we've already watched transformers (baby come back is now the cause of my LSS). and eventhough Bumblebee wasn't a Beetle for the movie, he has made me a Camaro convert. and, as much as i hated the movie director for being so cocky in On the Lot, i must say he did a good job. we recently finished watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix. it wasn't bad, but i feel like the story was cut up in a lot of important places. i've never read the book and i even figured it out. anyway, i was too cold to care by the time i started thinking about it. it was a fun date still... hehe.

i'm babbling again. i started a multiply site for my pics. will upload as soon as i get my new connection sorted out.

HOLY CANNOLLI... It's Been A Month Already?!

2007-05-27T22:11:00.001+08:00

who would've thought i'd actually be so into my new job that i haven't found time to rack up a new post? hehe. i'm sure my fan club of one isn't that upset, he's been receiving updates from me, whether he likes it or not.Ü but hey, i wouldn't want this small chunk of cyberspace go to waste, so here i go, babbling my way till i get sleepy and finally give up on writing.

i still haven't finished training. hehe. but hey, it's been only a month! and that can only mean one thing.... five months to go to regularization! wahahaha. ces was even shocked to find out that i get to work really early. naman. bagong buhay na 'to, dude.

FO people are pretty easy to get along with. syempre, same age bracket na. i find myself extending just to laugh it up with the more senior csa's. i also got the chance to join the company outing. hehe. here are a few pics:

FO's gone crazy!

fo & bc unite
(sir ge, kat, nexie, mae, Ü, ava)

the girls of ascott... ayy! si sir al pala, nandito. wahehe.

green team- 3rd place! yeah!

i've also catched up with my high school friends. hehe. it's always fun to hang out with them. this last session was supposed to be in lieu of sheena's birthday celebration. but, in typical sheena fashion, we all couldn't reach her when we were already there. hehe. but that doesn't mean we called off the whole thing, it just meant there was more to drink for everyone! thanks to anj for the pic. the whole night was a laugh trip... of course it had to include a look back at all the embarassing stunts we pulled. and as always, the guys poked fun at bianca and i, and our wonderful love teams back then ( i say wonderful dripping with loads of sarcasm). we were young. hehe. best part? all of our "spin the bottle" moments. the guys had to trick one of the girls to just go to sleep because they were terrified of the possibility of kissing her. hehe! okay. so she seemed a little queer, it's still a harsh thing to do.Ü

bianca, romeo, sedfrey, Ü, ria

this is the only pic where we don't look too wasted, except for sedfrey over there, who probably hates me now for shutting out his arguments on something i don't even remember right now. (he's doing the law school thing now. hehe. romeo too. atenean at last! haha.)

with a lot of things going on, and the pm shift that has been a curse to me it seems, i've been seeing less of him lately. sad. we did go out today. walked around the new trinoma mall, had dinner at a veneto (carbo-loading hurts), looked at a lot of cool toys, and just talked. i've always loved talking with him. i can be totally senseless and he'd be out there with me. be serious, and he'd help me make sense out of things. but today, i found myself getting into the "making plans." it used to freak me out really, when the conversation would swing this way, but today, i really liked thinking about it, and putting my two cents in. just the mere fact that i was thinking as far ahead as i was at the time excited me.

as much as i relish looking back and reliving my previous antics, i'm looking forward to dancing to a different rhythm with you. you've made me feel i belonged, and now all i want is to stay. naks! you're rubbing off on me. i think i'm getting old too. haha.

ayan. the sleep is starting to set in. once again, wala na namang normal na conclusion ang entry ko. hehe. my head's always been so cluttered. i'm not surprised i write the same way i think. nyt.

The Most Uninspired Blog Post Ever

2007-04-14T19:40:00.001+08:00

grabe, isang buwan na pala mahigit mula nung huli akong may entry?! whaddapack!

madami na nga ang nangyari. after x months nang pagnanais at pagplaplano ng isang malupit na career move, i've finally done it! nag-resign na ako sa Terra. I'll be leaving by the end of the month to go back to where i started... Oakwood!

ehem. ehem. Ascott na nga pala siya ngayon. pasensha. old school talaga. weniwei, hotelier na kong matuturingan talaga. gusto ko naman talaga yung ginagawa ko sa spa, kaya ko nga naisipang lumipat eh. hehe. di ko lang talaga makita ang sarili ko na nasa ganung industry. unang-una, wala talaga akong interest sa spa treatments, beauty ek-ek. although masarap ang massage. no doubt. di ko lang talaga feel ang laging sinasabi ng isa sa mga heads sa amin (who, by the way, ay madalas kong barahin lately dahil sa ka-engotan niya. no more fear!). isa raw akong "potential spa person." everytime na marinig ko 'yun mula sa kanya, kinikilabutan ako, pramis! para akong mamamatay. dun ko na napagisip-isip na di talaga ito ang gusto ko.

so.... to make a long story short, CSA na ko sa Ascott. wakeke.

and then, there's the chicken pox invasion sa spa! nagpanic ako dahil pareho sa nabiktima ay palagi kong kasama... nanggaling ako sa doctor ngayon, at sabi niya... i am safe. whoopee! ilang araw na akong tormented by the thought na yung butlig sa arm ko ay chicken pox. buti na lang, nagpa-vaccine ako ages ago.... haaay.

graduation next week. can't wait to see everyone again! balik UP has always been very fun for me.Ü of course, di mawawala ang inuman! anubeh...

ano pa bang update ko? hmmm... let's do it with pics. hehe. ang saya talaga ng may usb connection ang phone. haha. welcome me into the 21st century please. clap!

hehe. iyan na ang huling beses na makikita niyo akong naka-uniform ng spa Ü

old pic of me and bianca @ bamboo giant. this was halloween last year. opo, yah na ang huling labas ko with my high school friends. huhu. i have no life.

@ the magsaysay cup held at ayala greenfields. i'm no pageant girl! haha. pero partida, i was wearing my trusty flip flops and no make up... but still... hahaha!

this is an old pic. mervs asked for a salakot from vigan... this pic pops up on my phone's screen whenever he sends me a message or calls me. angkulet.

dinner @ burgoo gateway. the root of all the madness: oreo cheesecake. most obscenely-priced steak dinner we've ever had. really. blame it on the cheesecake.

surprises! my favorite breakfast item, egg mcmuffin stashed in his backpack after we went for a jog in UP (he bought it before we met that morning), and flowers (the less expensive kind this time, buti na lang) for no reason at all.
*insert blush here*
can i get any mushier?! hehe.

until the next uninspired update! hahahaha.

:s

2007-02-20T17:12:00.000+08:00

haaaay! sana i do good.

i'm in a computer shop in mrt ayala by the way. the second post i've written here already. hehe.

Theme Songs

2007-02-17T22:02:00.000+08:00

so. a lot of things have happened already since the last update. not that I'm going anywhere with all the activity, though. it's just that i've been feeling really stagnant the past few months and this month has shown some hope for me. maybe everything will turn out for the best. i might be seeing changes, maybe not. all i could really do right now, is wait. i think.

maybe all i need to do is get off my butt and not be mindful of all the things that are racing through my mind right now. or, if they're too pressing to ignore, just write all of them down here. hehe.

ces and i used to have theme songs for almost everything. when we were still in college, back when we still held functions for one of our classes, the song "suntok sa buwan" by session road was getting a lot of airplay in some of our favorite radio stations. we always heard it playing whenever we were prepping for the functions, the night before and when cooking the day of the event. it became a sort of lucky charm for us, things would turn out great whenever we heard it. and when we didn't hear it, well, disaster did not exactly strike, but let's just say we almost had to do over everything. hehe. emotional chefs and all.

so, i looked up the lyrics of the song:

Suntok sa Buwan

[Session Road]

Hindi mo ba alam

Damdamin ko'y pinagtakpan

Makasama ka'y suntok sa buwan'

Di mo nga alam

Mundo mo nga'y iyong tignan

Kung ganyan, walang pupuntahan

Hindi ko 'to gusto

Pero 'wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin

At tatanungin ko rin

Kung ika'y aamin

Lahat ay gagawin

Itanong mo sa akin

At tatanungin ko rin

Kung ika'y aamin

Lahat ay gagawin

'Di mo napapansin

Kailangan mo akong dinggin

'Di habang buhay ika'y aantayin

Ito'y aking hiling

At sana naman ay tanggapin

Nang ang puso ko'y 'di nabibitin

Hindi ko 'to gusto

Pero 'wag kang lalayo

Itanong mo sa akin

At tatanungin ko rin

Kung ika'y aamin

Lahat ay gagawin

Itanong mo sa akin

At tatanungin ko rin

Kung ika'y aamin

Lahat ay gagawin

just as i was starting to get a move on with my life, i would ride home with ces. we started talking about things and i had blurted out that i wanted a sign. so, we turned to the almighty car radio. hehehe. and this is the song it blurted out. it did not make sense really, at first. then i heard it again, and again, just before something significant happened. i realized that it was sort of true for me. i'm not in any trouble or anything, but i wouldn't have gotten off the couch if it wasn't for someone konking me on the head. hehe. *tear*

How to Save a Life
[The Fray]

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through

Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence

Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to god he hears you and

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road

Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

there. i just wanted to put them out. hehe. now i have to get back to work. i need to close the spa. hehe.

Summit Point, 1/5/2007

2007-01-17T09:49:00.001+08:00

here i go again with my travels... ehehe.

so, we had an event last january 5. i was up at 3 am. we had to leave ortigas by 5 so that we could get to lipa, batangas by 7 am. we attended a golf tournament by some lsgh alumni batch at summit point.

sarapp ng buhay pare!!! haha. syempre, me and aya only had to work a total of two hours. my boss... well, he worked a total of 5 minutes then he went off to swing his golf clubs away.Ü everything was free. sagot ng company. had 2 cups of kapeng barako in one sitting, and still we fell asleep. sarap ng hangin. sobrang lamig, i had to wear a jacket (see below). it was also fun when the photog's golf cart crashed into the clubhouse patio. hehe. parang cartoons. nag-screech yung brakes, then you hear a loud thud, and the next thing i knew, i was looking at this girl's legs waving up in the air as she was stuck among the flower bushes. hehe. galing!

lots of old guys (batch 82 eh) and then there were the younger batches. mga batch 90+ na... hehe. actually, they were all guys. period. me and aya were practically the only girls there.

and then there was monsour del rosario. hehe.

aya: rach, papapicture ako kay monsour. kuhanan mo ko.
rach: okay.
monsour: hey (ref: me) dito ka sa kabilang side ko
rach: sino kukuha ng pic?
monsour: (looks at sir nino- the boss)
boss: sige tabi ka na doon

hahaha!

oh diba ni-request pa ko?! at ang boss pa namin ang kumuha ng pic! wahahaha. angkulet.

hence the pic:

ayun. sa susunod na adventures namin ulit!

21

2007-01-11T11:01:00.001+08:00

i turn 21 today. i've always loved birthdays. i find it more exciting than christmas. or new year. or any other holiday on the planet. last night, i found it really hard to go to sleep. it's something i do every year. i wait until midnight to see who would be the first to greet me. last night, though, i had my first greeters even before the clock stroked 12. donna wins. at 11 pm, she had greeted me already while we were texting. then allan (real shocker). then aimee (praningles). then xenia (dude! tagay!). then dennis (how can i forget edsa shang? how can i top it?!). then ces. who called me exactly at midnight, even if the line was choppy.

of course, my mom had to whisper it in my ear last night. and then was freaky dancing earlier. haha. what a sight. and we're going shopping later. she got her gift sized wrong. hehe. whoopee!

then this morning, i would find myself waking up to the sound of my cellphone ringing. some old friends remembered. i never thought they would, because the last time they remembered, i was still in high school. haha. thanks noel (banker, libre mo ko). jonas and migs, too. i'll see you in another party, i bet.

jen left her gift for me on my bedroom floor before she went to school. grey's anatomy! yeey!

xyla (tigbak!) and binay (sana magkasama-sama tayo diyan) too. oh, but they always remember. they've always been just around the corner for me... hehe. i just tend to be a little anti-social sometimes. pschoory.

then there's mervs. we have a morning routine of texting already. umlauts will always be special to me.Ü right now, we're chatting on ym. my mornings will never be the same if i don't wake up to see his picture flashing on my phone. actually, my life will never be the same without him... awwww. i'm starting to get mushy. i'll be seeing him later. just typing that last line had me smiling already. he's the best gift life could ever give me. and he knows that.

another thing i liked about waiting for my birthdays is watching tv! hehe. i was watching myx last night and i absolutely enjoyed their backtraxx. 90s pop! all the songs i know from way back when my hair was one length and short, and i was rail-thin and buck-toothed. haha. i was 12 when those songs came out. now i'm 21. woow. baliktaran. deep. haha.

ayun. that's the end of my birthday post. thank you, to everyone who remembered.Ü hope we all have a good year.

Food Trip

2007-01-04T11:44:00.001+08:00

i saw this in friendster. sinagutan ni jobs. sabi ni mervs, mag-update ako... wala pa nga lang akong maisip na i-update eh. hehe. work? nagsasawa na ko, sa totoong buhay lang. bahay? don't stay here long enough para magka-issue. heehee. labs? shempre! okay na okay!Ü babasahin nya to eh. hehe.

but the reason behind posting this survey is this: we're (that's mervs and me) are trying to lose weight. we've been eating out a lot last year... and we're trying to lessen that now. kaya lang, napapareminisce ako sa food ko... wahuhu. kaya isulat nalang natin sila dito para ma-realize ko naman na ang dami ko ngang nakakain. hahaha.

Chowking:
:: yang chow chao fan with shanghai toppings at coke

Jollibee:
:: yum w/ tlc/ yum with mushroom and cheese, double cheesy fries, rocky road sundae

Mcdo:
:: mcchicken meal double upsize

Wendy's:
:: bacon mushroom melt

Yellow Cab:
:: pizza. of any kind.

Tokyo Tokyo:
:: chicken yakitori

KFC:
:: original recipe chicken and fries

Greenwich:
:: ung chili con carne ba yun na parang rice toppings? meron pa ba nun?

Red Ribbon:
:: uhhh... i don't really remember what we used to order... marvi? help! hehe. blueberry cheesecake.

Chef D Angelo:
:: chicken

North Park:
:: never ate here

Pancake House:
:: tapsilog!

Anong Favorite Flavor Mo Ng:

Ice cream:
:: raspberry! FIC

Cake:
:: blueberry cheesecake, mocha, coffee

Shake:
:: basta coffee-based

Favorite Pizza:
:: haaaayyyyyy.... madame.

Ano yung favorite junk food mo?
:: e-aji nacho chips with cheesy garlic dip

Favorite Chocolates mo?
:: guylian?! (thanks mervs.Ü). dark chocolate

Favorite Candies mo?
:: i miss warheads.

Mahilig ka ba sa brownies?
:: yep. and crinkles. and chocochip cookies.

Ano gusto mo kainin ngayon?
:: i'm currently devouring crinkles.

Nag-breakfast ka na ba?
:: ito na yun.

E Lunch?
:: later. i'll eat the leftover relleno

Nag-dinner ka ba kagabi?
:: pancit canton and chocolate cake with mervs of course.

Marunong ka ba magluto?
:: yep

Mahilig ka bang magluto?
:: kung tinopak. mas gusto ko magbake

If ever man makapag-experiment ka ng
food, anong name bibigay mo?
:: anong name nalang ang di ko ibibigay... definitely not naming it after someone. ehehe. angbaduy. yun lang.

Samu't Saring Sentimyento

2006-11-30T12:54:00.000+08:00

soooo... a well-deserved long weekend for me! yeah, me! isa na namang escape from the confines of the office spaces. i've been working my butt off this past two days but last monday was all play for me. i went with leah (a membership consultant) and sir nino (he's the big boss) to splendido in tagaytay to attend the expat golf tournament. terra shelled out a few gc's as raffle prizes and balance (that's the gym) handed out free trial workouts to all the participants. lea and i worked a total of.... hmm.... 2 hours! we spent the day lounging around in the clubhouse, feasting on the tapas bar for breakfast, taking pictures, pigging out on the buffet spread for lunch (hmmm... paella, iberian roast chicken, caldereta lasagna, crema ek-ek. haha.), and picking on johnny litton's hair piece while sir nino swung his golf club until he was red in the face. i had a lot of fun! even on the car ride. sir nino was surprisingly kalog... at rakista ang lolo mo! ehehe. naaliw ako.

me and lea. my bangs are being blown by the wind. it was so cool up there that our coffee's got cold just after we stirred in the cream and sugar!

the clubhouse looks like a spanish villa... the fountain reminded me...parang bahay ni zorro! hehe. he's not spanish. but antonio banderas is. and i am so out of place in my indian-inspired uniform.

jen: "ano 'yan, watch tower sa prison break?"
hehe.
puwede na pang-postcard. tower kaya ni quasimodo 'yan!

now that's something you don't see everyday! makes one regret living in the city. it took a few minutes before we could see the whole rainbow. i turned into a kid instantly.

we were supposed to leave for batangas tomorrow morning, another promotions/sponsorship thing but we had to postpone it due to the super typhoon. waah. sana bigla na lang siya mag-disappear para matuloy kami. bibili ako ng kapeng barako at espasol. hehe.

so i went back to work on tuesday. and it was just me. i hardly got enough time to think because of the sheer volume of people booking treatments. since ms. angie (that's my momma boss) won't be reporting till monday, i had to handle everything by myself. which leads me to my rants right here.

*filipino na ito para mas dama*

isipin mo na lang kung gaano ako kaburaot na pakialamanan ng isang manager, na di ko naman talaga boss, ang trabaho ko at ng buong staff ng spa. nakakahalata na ko na sinasamantala niya na wala si ms. angie, wala si sir nino, at wala ako para makapag-take over sa department namin. kahapon lang ay naabutan ko siyang nagpapa-interview tungkol sa spa, naiinggit ba nang manghingi ng interview sa akin 'yung writer?! ang feeling talaga, when in fact, magkasunod lang kami ng ranggo, at sa ibang department siya. hinahanapan pa niya ng butas ang pagpapatakbo namin. at kung puwede siyang gumawa ng kuwento, gagawan niya.

pero ang di ko talaga gusto ay ang pagmamaliit niya sa akin. unang-una, tingin niya ba tanga talaga ko para sumunod sa kanya sa isang text lang at ituro ang mga docs namin sa spa ng wala naman ako doon? at idinaan pa sa ibang tao ang pasabi sa akin! kung tingin niya siya lang ang may konsepto ng control, ibahin niya ko. may authority din naman akong hawak, kahit kapiranggot lang. at gagamitin ko yun hindi para mag-power trip, kundi barahin siya at pigilan na lugihin ang dept namin.

pati kakayahan ko na i-handle ang department ko, na-demean niya sa pagsabing tumawag lang ako ng recep sa dept nya kung kailangan ko ng tulong. pucha, di ako helpless (at tanga, once again) para humingi ng tulong sa taong alam kong walang idea sa trabaho namin. ilang araw ba na ako lang ang frontliner? na wala ang manager? at madaming guests? di nga ko nangarag kahit na may inaayos pa sa office. wala akong maisip na situation na di namin naayos pag ako ang in charge. at kung hihingi man ako ng tulong, bakit pa ako lalayo? may mga tao naman sa amin na puwede. at naunahan ko na siya sa "cross-training" idea niya, dahil na-train ko na karamihan ng therapists namin para tumao sa recep... mas magaling pa sa mga kinuha niya kung saan.

pero ang last straw, na muntik na maging sanhi ng pag-develop ko ng hypertension, ay ang sinabi niya kahapon. gabi na ako nag-break dahil di ako makaalis hanggang di pa umaalis yung taga-magazine. wala pa kong 30 minutes na nakaupo sa pantry ay pumasok ang isang attendant sa amin at sabihin na hinahanap daw ako ng manager na 'yun. nang sabihin nila na nasa pantry ako, ang sinagot niya:

"Bakit? Natutulog?"

kung matino ka bang tao, ang una mo bang iisipin kung nasa pantry or staff room eh natutulog yung tao?! parang sinabi na niya na tamad ako, in front of the staff sa department namin. 11:30 ako nagstart ng shift ko. the whole time, may ginagawa ako. paper work, records, guests, bookings, gc's, inquiries, etc. di nga ako natunganga ni minsan. 6 pm na ko nakakain. mapag-iisipan pa ako ng ganun? buti sana kung may evidence siya na petiks ako sa trabaho... pero di ko ginawa 'yun. wala sa character ko ang ganun. di ako free rider na tulad niya... na kaya lang napasok sa company ay dahil kapatid niya ang pinaka-head. ang tanda na, di pa natuto ng kahit ano.

kung iniisip niya na nasisindak niya ako o naiinis na niya ko para umalis, nagkakamali siya. kung pagbintangan niya kong subversive, ayos lang. UP ata to. hehe. di ako ang yuyuko para makuha niya gusto niya. wala nang seniority ano. wala ring connections. alam ko naman na tama ako.

buti na lang may bago kong favorite.... Prison Break! thanks to pea for introducing this to me... and manong dvd for selling both seasons! hehe. ayan. na-hook na ko...

syempre, si wentworth miller ang pic! ang angas niya as michael scofield! hahahaaaay.... ang tattoo.... blue print ng prison. heehee. hanapin nyo...
and it's a good excuse to see him without his shirt on! hahaha.

Spot the Difference

2006-11-16T09:20:00.000+08:00

one year ago

a few months after

one year after

a lot has changed since last year, but one thing remains the same... it's you and me, paps! hehe. happy anniversary! kuha pa tayo ng madaming kenkoy pics for me to post for next year.
Ü

Anonymous Love Story

2006-10-04T17:36:00.000+08:00

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said, "I will give you your answer tomorrow..." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further…"

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city , I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die…"

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting...and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...”

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread...

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's life, and love. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

-------------------------------------------

he sent me this email a few months back. i've been very irritable lately, and not just because its that time of the month. i read this again just as i was cleaning my inbox and it got me thinking. i've given ces the same advice before, yet i was committing the same mistake. i was being impossible. there's no excuse for that.

what i'm trying to say is, i'm lucky to have someone who loves as much as he does and has been patient with me all this time. small things don't really matter. i overlooked the big picture when i thought i was paying attention to detail. and now that i've seen it, i like it better than what i had in mind.

*malapit na 1 year! yehey for us.:D

Insomnia Part Deux

2006-08-20T04:04:00.000+08:00

not much has happened lately, except for the funky experiences we've been having at work. hmm. don't really want to talk about that right now.

oh, i'm also working with someone who posed for fhm once. that's my newest claim to fame. haha. she's really fun to be with (not that kind of fun, you dirty minds).

what else...

i just can't sleep, that's all. got home from dinner and a movie with mervs. it didn't really end so good. i could tell he wasn't enjoying the movie because of what happened after dinner. that had me feeling a bit down too.

got home, was supposed to watch a dvd i got from a friend from work but i've been having trouble with the computer. hmmph. that's why i'm still up this late.

that's not exactly true, as there are still a few reasons for my insomnia. i think staying at the reception desk for 8 hours with nothing to do has got my mind working overtime on crazy scenarios, on trying to find out reasons behind everything, on figuring out things that i don't really need to worry about. i've gone emo today. wah. i just want to crawl in bed and sleep before the sun comes up.

we'll be operational on september 1st. whoopee. no more tengga for me.

Sucky Day

2006-07-25T15:45:00.000+08:00

this is not a good day to go to work.

aside from the obvious na sobrang lakas ng ulan ngayon, mahirap sumakay, at masarap matulog o kaya ay maupo sa kama habang nanonood ng mga movies sa hbo, pangit ang araw na ito dahil di safe sa workplace. gusto nyo ng pruweba? ikukuwento ko sa inyo.

so feeling ko this morning, suwerte ako. agad akong nakasakay ng fx sa mindave. at kung papalarin ka nga naman, didiretso pa ng ortigas ang lolo mo. kaya di na ko kailangang pumila pa, o kaya ay mag-mrt at maglakad across the rocky parking lots of podium. bumaba ako ng el pueblo at naglakad papuntang discovery. tinignan ko ang relo ko habang inaantay for 50 million years ang elevator ni kuya cesar. 8:47. di pa ko late.

dumiretso ako sa spa kasama ang isa sa mga therapists. papasok pa lang kami nang marinig ang ingay ng tubig. pagliko sa isa sa mga hallways, nakita namin ang dalawang pseudo-"waterfalls" na bumabagsak mula sa mga halogen lights papunta sa wooden floors. di kami makadaan. wadaweedoo? binuksan namin ang aming payong at pinangsangga ito sa tubig. agad naman naming nasabihan ang manager thru text, ang engineering department ng hotel, at ang head ng marketing, na sa panahong iyon ay ang nag-iisang tao sa office.

mga 1 1/2 hours after, dumating ang mga managers at ang spa consultant. nalaman namin na sewer pipes pala sa itaas ang sumabog. siyet. maduming tubig. kaya pala ang baho. galing pa sa mga banyo ng mga suites yun. waaahhhh!!! ayoko nang isipin ang mga duming nadikit malamang sa payong ko!!!

maya-mayang kaunti ay tinawag ako ng spa consultant. sinabihan ako na bakit daw hindi ko sinabihan ang manager at ang gm. what? front desk ako. nang makita namin, natext na namin ang manager. at bakit daw sinabi ko sa head ng marketing at di sa gm, di ko naman daw 'yun boss. haynaku. eh wala ngang tao. it was the closest we could get to the highest powers nang ganun kaaga. siyempre kailangan ko bumalik sa spa, para i-man ang front desk just in case may mga gustong pumasok dun na guest at makita na ganun ang nagaganap. hay. what did i do wrong?!

oh well. di naman ako nasabon masyado. bad trip lang kasi ang sinasabi ng spa consultant, ako daw ang in charge sa mga nangyayari sa buong spa. what?! sa front desk lang ako... hindi ako manager of some sort. buti sana kung mas mataas ang sweldo ko. oo, may responsibility ako pero di to the point na ako ang masisisi in situations na ganito. gusto ba nilang sahurin ko ang mabahong tubig?! hehe.

weniwei... dahil sa mga naganap, natigil ang training namin. pinauwi kami ng maaga. kaya heto ko ngayon, sa bahay, isinusulat ang nangyari kanina at pinahuhugasan ang payong kong kadireh na.

Pictures Galore!

2006-07-23T16:11:00.000+08:00

dahil namimiss ko sila... ito na! mga pictures namin sa fair this feb at nung nagpunta kaming EK nung March... parang sobrang tagal na. waaah!

go karting sa EK... malamang nakita mo na tong pic na to before.

2006-07-23T16:08:00.000+08:00

di nasipat ng maayos. gusto ko lang makita nyo na kinuha namin 'yan sakay ng flying fiesta! haha. (blue skies... bad trip tuloy rainy days)

2006-07-23T16:05:00.000+08:00

mapapatay nya ako pag nakita nya 'to. hehe. peace tayo ha? wuf u byko... pagaling ka! =D

2006-07-23T16:03:00.000+08:00

feeling rockers sa fair (the tongue)

2006-07-23T16:01:00.000+08:00

isang myusikbidyu moment brought to you by rach, binay, and ces

2006-07-23T15:57:00.000+08:00

gurlfriends trying out the merchandise... UP Fair 2006

May Trabaho Ka Update

2006-07-23T14:56:00.000+08:00

isang buwan na simula noong una kong pumasok sa trabaho. bilis din. dalawang beses na akong sumahod, nasukatan na ng uniform, nakapag-training na for first aid, nasubukan na halos lahat ng masahe sa spa, nagtraining sa front desk, at nag-soft opening na. dami na rin palang nangyari. nitong friday lang ay inayos na namin ang mga gamit sa hotel na tinutuluyan namin sa ayala para sa paglipat namin bukas sa ortigas. gusto ko na rin kasi umalis doon. bukod sa nakakatakot ang lugar na iyon, napakahirap pang puntahan sa umaga. napakatagal ng biyahe, kailangan ko tuloy gumising ng napakaaga.

ang perk lang naman ng pagpasok doon ay malapit ako sa kanya. mas madalas na kasi kaming magkita ngayon, kung ikukumpara noong practicum ko. mas malapit pa kami ngayon. siguro na rin, dahil alam ko na kung paano magtrabaho. di na ako bugnutin, o madalas magalit pag di kami nagkikita... mas madalas nga lang, kung di kami sabay na nakakauwi, na nalulungkot ako dahil di ko siya kasama. nasanay na kasi akong may mapagsasabihan ng mga nangyari sa araw ko, at makinig sa mga nangyari sa araw niya. hay. sana kahit lumipat na kami, ganun pa rin.

ayos pa naman ang trabaho eh. masaya. kaya lang minsan, sinusumpong ako ng pagkamiss sa school... sa mga kaklase ko. minsan kasi, may mga hirit na di maintindihan ng mga kasama ko sa trabaho. di naman inside joke, pero basta. iba ang mga usapan, kahit dun sa tambayan lang noon, kumpara sa mga usapan sa trabaho. kaya sobrang ayos nung sumama si ces sa akin para magpa-massage... at tumambay the whole day. hehe. at earlier this week, nag-text si mitch at nagpa-interview din. hmmm... ano na kaya naganap?

pasok na naman bukas. sa susunod na ko gagawa ng matinong entry dahil wala ko sa mood this week. tsk.

Cuidar. Till It Hurts.

2006-07-12T21:10:00.000+08:00

here's a line from Cuida by Sugarfree:

Nais kong maging saysay ng aking buhay ay bigyan ang iyo ng kulay

i know it sounds really sappy but the weather's been absolutely dreary that it just makes you want to feel all sentimental and stuff. hay. i feel like i'm back in high school. i wish i could still write poems like i used to. hehe.

the thing is, i've heard the same kind of song before. some guy wanting to hold the world up for the love of his life. bumenta na 'yun eh. i never did like songs that tried to convey that because it sounded so cheesy. like they were delivering line after line after line. but i like sugarfree so much for sounding so sad always. weird noh? the first i heard it i thought, "he must really want to take care of her so much that it hurt, he sounds like he's pleading, or crying, or something."

don't you just feel that way sometimes? feel something so good, it hurts? want something so bad, you end up tormented just to get to it? there are times when you just want to make everything right for someone else and you get yourself all worked up over it, not thinking about what good it'll do you. okay. so i've got my own superhero complex, even though it's obvious i couldn't do much right now. the rain makes me think of things i don't usually dwell on regular days. just goes to show how much of a sucker for drama i really am.

Whassap, Tsoknat?!

2006-07-02T01:28:00.000+08:00

so a little over two weeks after i have officially graduated, i got a job. i am a receptionist for discovery suites' spa, terra. they're not open yet. they are still undergoing renovations so i have to wait until september for the re-opening. i am undergoing training, though. what do i do there? well... i get to try all the massages and other treatments for free. haaay.... i must have gotten more massages in the last three days than my whole month's salary could afford. love thai foot massages.:D

owkeeei... moving along....

for the past week, he's been bombarded with marriage cracks. he went on leave earlier this week and when he came back, he found out that his officemates have been speculating about how we got married over the weekend or something like that so he had to take that day off. just this friday, he and i met up near his office. after having dinner, we went back to their office building just so he could get his things and time out. but before i got past the security at the lobby, they asked where i was going. the other guard shrugged towards him and told the one who stopped me, "sige na, asawa nya yan."

he was smiling when he heard that, even when we were already in the lift. i think he was pleased with it. we had a laugh about it, but we were both smiling actually. okay, i admit, i liked how people i don't even know have pegged us to be that kind of together, if you get my drift.

i've never written about him before... i just don't know what to say. i've been really happy this past few months, and i want to be selfish about it. all you need to know is that we've been spending more time lately because i don't have to go to school anymore and it's easy to walk over to his office or to our temporary office and that i love how he holds me.

if by some chance he decided to read this... well... thank you. sometimes i just don't know how to say anything, but i'll try to tell you how content i've been with you. the things i find hard to say, or write... i guess i'll just have to show you.Ü see you.

DNA

2006-06-18T15:14:00.000+08:00

ito daw ang personal dna ko. personally, naaliw lang ako sa mga tests nya... hehe. i dunno about the inventor thing... pero benevolent naman akong tunay diba? mga friends? hello?

di naman ganito itsura ng dna diba? oh well, mouse over the different colors if you want to know what they mean.

Benevolent Inventor

Of Striking Entevand and Eating Your Own Hotdog

2006-06-17T13:03:00.000+08:00

okay. so here's the deal. i've been having the most fun in the past few days than i've ever had since i finished school. no guys, i'm not working yet. i am still enthralled by the joys of bum-ness. hehe. so here is one of the vids i saw online. i sure feel sorry for the girl... walang kaplastikan yan ha! but really, it's just too funny to pass up.

okay enough of her.

i went out for groceries the other day, and was totally tickled by what i saw. i was browsing through breakfast meats, tocino, longganisa, nuggets, hotdogs, etc., when i chanced upon a new product from swift.... with Sam Milby's smiling face on it!

it was the Swift All-Meat (SAM) Hotdogs. it would have been better if i could've taken a picture of it at the time, since it has not made any sort of appearance online... yet. it's just weird for a grown man to be endorsing hotdogs that way. how did they even get him to agree to naming the hotdogs after him and have an image of him eating his own hotdog plastered on the product's packaging? (pun intended)

oh well, the things people think of... for the sake of marketing. kaya nga ayoko sana dun eh! hehe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
#Edit# 2 July 06

okay. so finally, the SAM hotdogs pictures have finally turned up online. hehe. buti na lang nauna ko nagpost! haha. i got this pic from mcvie. there's a really funny blog entry that goes along with it... which could actually be the answer to my previous questions. galing.

to all the gay men... please keep your mouths closed. this is a pretty decent blog. haha.

Mula sa Madlang Walang Trabaho

2006-06-03T15:04:00.000+08:00

dalawang buwan na kong nawala, at ngayon ako'y nagbabalik. yebah. itong nakaraang dalawang buwan na ito siguro ang isa sa mga pinakanakakapagod na pangyayari sa buhay ko. pero, sabi nga sa friendster horoscope (ehehe. no joke.), pagtiyagaan ko raw ang isang "unpleasant commitment" dahil sa huli ay magkakaroon ako ng magandang "rewards." o diba, bagay? dahil matapos ang dalawang buwan ng pagiging alila sa isang hotel... graduate na ako. welcome to the wonderful world of the unemployed!

professional bum na talaga ako ngayon, pero ano na nga ba gagawin ko? alam ko, naaaliw pa rin ako sa pagtambay-tambay ko dito dahil nga matagal-tagal rin akong walang pahinga, pero mababagot din ako eventually. saan ko nga ba gustong pumasok? paano na ngayon, di na ako bibigyan ng allowance? dalawang buwan nang di nasasayaran ng alcohol ang lalamunan ko, at ngayon ni pambili ng beer wala na ako. (oh well, nag-inuman kami sa cantina nung malaman namin ni mau na grad na kami but still...)

ibang level na naman ito eh. unti-unti na kasing inaalis ung mga pressure factors ng buhay ko. wala nang deadline na kailangang i-meet, wala nang grades na kailangang itaas, wala. tanging drive ko lang na mabuhay at maging productive. minsan tuloy naiisip ko na baka di 'yun sapat para tumayo ako at lumakad papalayo sa computer na ito, kung saan ako maaring mabulok habang buhay.

masaya naman ako na matapos eh. kaya lang, natatakot din ako. wala nang mas real world dito, alam mo 'yun? kung magkamali man ako, may malalaking consequences nang puwedeng mangyari. at kahit na gaano pa karaming tao ang alam kong nandiyan para sa akin, di ko pa rin maiwasan ang isipin na nag-iisa na lang ako dito ngayon.

wish me luck. di kakayanin ng liquid courage itong nararamdaman ko ngayon. kailangan nang i-summon ang willpower ko... na sana ay naipon at malakas na ngayon.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
*oi! new layout pala... mas malinis, mas simple... dahil... wala lang. sabi nga sa prac manual: "fancy folders will not affect the outcome of your grade."

kaya ito, ung tig-10 pisong sliding folder nalang ang gamit ko.Ü

Closing Time (?)

2006-04-02T20:15:00.000+08:00

nailagay ko na sa tagboard ko na hindi na ako magsusulat ulit dito. matagal ko na rin namang naisip ito, kasi nga naman, it's not good to wash your dirty laundry in public (or something along that line). di rin naman ako celebrity para mag-post ng mga bagay tungkol sa buhay ko para lang basahin ng mga taong di naman ako kilala. hindi rin naman nailalagay ang buong pangyayari pag nagsulat sa blog. "framing" daw ang tawag dito sabi ng bc 10 prof ko. ibig sabihin, kung sino man ang nagdadala ng kwento ang siya ring pumipili kung paano niya ito ipapahayag. 'yung presentation ba. ibig sabihin, may mga bagay na natatanggal o hindi nasasabi dahil... well... sa maraming dahilan. bahala na sila doon.

dito tuloy nag-uumpisa ang conflicts.

kaya mas mainam nga siguro na isara ko na ang "toilet bowl" ko.

pero kanina, dahil mag-isa lang ako sa bahay, nagbago ang isip ko.

blog-hopping lang naman ang ginagawa ko buong hapon. wala lang. masarap lang kasi magbasa paminsan-minsan. maya-maya ay nabasa ko ang isang entry dun sa isa sa mga kaibigan ko. tinatanong kasi siya kung bakit niya ginagawa ang mga ginagawa niya. may pagka-laid back kasi itong taong ito kaya ang sagot niya...

"dahil gusto ko."

parang ang babaw na dahilan ano? bata lang ang madalas gumamit nito. pero tama naman. bakit mo kailangang isipin ang mga opinyon ng iba kung gusto mo naman ang ginagawa mo? hindi mo naman kasalanan kung hindi nila gusto ang nababasa nila, o nakikita nila. bahagi na kasi iyon ng kung sino ka at kung hindi naman illegal o masama ang ginagawa, wala namang dahilan para pigilan ka.

halos pareho kasi kami ng iniisip ng taong nagsulat ng ganito sa blog niya. parang destined na talaga na magbasa ako ng blog niya na months ko na ring hindi tinitignan dahil di ko naman siya kilala sa totoong buhay. sa net lang. hehe. nakakatawa nga na kaya rin siya napag-isip ay dahil din sa pagbabasa ng blog ng iba... at sa pagtatanong niya kung bakit pa nag-susulat sa blog ang taong iyon. nabanggit naman niya ang isa pang rason kung bakit nga pala ako nag-umpisang mag-blog.

may mga bagay kasi na mahirap sabihin. mga bagay na hindi mo naman maikukuwento ng harapan, kahit pa sa pinakamalapit na kaibigan. mahirap namang magkimkim na lang, maging kasiyahan man ito o sama ng loob. lalo na para sa akin, medyo naiilang kasi akong magsalita kasi mabilis ako umiyak, at madali ring mautal. maaring pagdudahan ka sa sinasabi mo kung ganoon magsalita.

pero pag nagsusulat ka sa blog, wala ka nang iniisip. kung ano man ang nararamdaman mo, o nangyayari sa iyo, naisusulat mo kaagad. tama nga lang na banyo ang motif ng blog kong ito. sa banyo, hubad ka. walang ibang nanonood sa iyo. ang concern mo lang is getting your business over with... successfully. hehe. ganito rin sa blog, di na kasi kailangang alalahanin pa kung tama ba ang sinusulat mo, basta ang mahalaga, maihinga lang kung ano 'yung gusto mong sabihin. haay. napabuntong hininga tuloy ako sa huling statement na 'yun.

so ano na nga ba ang point ng mahaba ko na namang entry?

ayaw ko nang isara ang blog ko. napagisip-isip ko kasi na hindi ko naman kasalanan (entirely) 'yung mga latest events na nangyari... dapat lang, nasabi ko rin ng buo sa dapat na makaalam ang lahat... hindi iyong hinahayaan ko na lang na mabasa ang blog ko at i-interpret na lang iyon kung paano niya nabasa. hay. outlet ko rin naman ito. kaya kung anuman ang nakasulat dito ay totoo, as of the moment na nai-post ko ang mga iyon.

i just hope the entries won't be regarded at face value (hehe)... i had framed each entry the way i wanted it to come out the time i wrote them. there are a few more sides that one has to consider before jumping to any conclusions.

hay. di ko na pala kailangang isara ang cubicle kong ito. hehe.

--------------------------------------------------
i haven't been this sad for a while- 032106

Conditionals

2006-03-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

tagged by Bianca

1. what is your name? (must not contain: a, c, g, h, s, j, u, r, n):
---> _ _ _ _ el _ _ _ e de _ _ _ t _ o... walang natira sa pangalan ko

2. what time is it? (you CANNOT use numbers)
---> american idol na sa abc 5

3. what school or job do you go to? (you CANNOT use proper nouns):
---> the premier state university... naks!

4. how are you feeling right now? (must contain at least 6 letters)
---> perplexed

5. how old are you? (cannot be in terms of years)
---> i am as old as the original People Power Revolution

PREFERENCES/FAVORITES:
1. where's the perfect vacation place? (cannot be in the philippines)
---> i haven't been out eh...

2. favorite musical artist? (must be outdated)
---> marvin gaye

3. favorite book? (must contain at least 400 pages)
---> chemistry by brown and lemay ba un... at saka ung financial management ni van horne (tama nga ba ung author...). hehe

4. favorite junkfood? (must come in at least 3 flavors)
---> doughnuts

5. favorite spice (you must also state at least 3 food/drink items in which the spice is used)
---> cinnamon (pies, cinnamon roll, hot chocolate)

6. favorite country? (you must be able to name the capital and a natural landmark)
---> England- London- Thames River (tama nga ba? heh)

7. favorite food? (must be filipino food)
---> SISIG

8. one of your favorite movies? (you must also state one of the characters of the movie and a memorable line they said)
---> shrek 2! donkey: "are we there yet?"

9. state another memorable line from that movie...
---> "Puss!.... in boots."

11.favorite holiday? (must be celebrated by all)
---> New Year

-----------------

kailangan lang ma-relieve ang stress... grabe!!! bukas na ang interview ko!!! waaah!!! wish me and mau luck naman oh... na sana ay hindi kami mangamote pareho... hehehe.

Wala Lang Part 2

2006-02-23T20:25:00.000+08:00

I am 4% Geek.

I wanna be a geek. But I'm not. Why would I even want to be one. Do I think it's fun? I should try writting an online test application at 1 am in my underwear

Take the
Geek Test
@ FualiDotCom

okay... wala lang. i thought i'd be much geekier than that. haha. just goes to show how people shouldn't rely on tests to find out stuff about themselves...

while we're at it... try n'yo naman visit ito....

Johari Window

Nohari Window

kung kilala niyo naman akong tunay.... ayos yan. hehe. gawa rin kayo... hanggang sa mauso. wahahaha.

next time na ako gagawa ng matinong entry... natatamad na ako eh. dami pang dapat ayusin.

(NOT) In the Comfort of My Own Home

2006-02-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

sa lahat naman ng panahon, ngayon ko pa naisipang magsulat sa blog. labo, oh. nasa isang internet cafe ako sa kalagitnaan ng ayala, nakatengga indefinitely hanggang sa matapos ang isang bata sa trabaho niya. hehe.

wala naman talagang sureball na topic 'to... natawa lang ako sa idea na may sarili kong computer, private naman sa bahay, pero dito pa ako nag-decide na magsulat... labo.

angkyut ng time kanina... 4:44 pm.

galing akong shangri-la mall. bakit kamo? wala lang... nag-meeting kami ng mga groupmates ko sa chem 1. sotsyal! lammu naman, tambay tambay na lang sa starbucks while making discuss chu.... shet. di talaga bagay.

UP Fair na!! hahaha! grabe na 'yung pagka-haggard ko this week para lang maisaayos ang mga booths sa fair... end result? nakuha rin namin ang smokey's, matapos ang ilang araw na pakikipag-usap sa isa pang org... isipin n'yo na lang ang eksenang ito kagabi-- si jac ay nakikipag-head on collision na sa isang org, at si mary ang taga-awat. paano kaya matatapos ang eksenang 'yun kung sakaling di naayos lahat?!

speaking of kagabi... lecheng amazing race! napatunayan kong isa na nga kong sedentary being tulad ni spongebob. haha. masakit pa ang legs ko dahil kahapon lang ulit ako tumakbo ng tunay. galing ng mga apps at mems... pwera ako... at si binay! hehehe. biruin mong makautangkami ng halos 200 pesos from random people na nakatambay lang naman sa UP... likas na mababait ang mga tao.

(nakaka-P30.00 na ako... para sa isang blog post)

oh well... kaunting oras na lang... siguro mas okay kung maglibot naman akong kaunti. gawin ko nalang ang pagiging cyber bum sa bahay.

Kahilingan Listahan (korni)

2006-01-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

birthday ko na bukas! whoopee. hehe. astig pa kasi walang preprac. again. pwede akong magpaka-bum lang the whole day! wahahahaha!!!

naisip ko, since wala akong magawa... gagawa rin ako ng wishlist. naks. problema lang, wala kong maisip na gusto... hehe.

bagong phone: yep, na naman. kasi naman ano, binuhay ng telepono ko ngayon ang pagkainis ko. sa kalagitnaan ng pag-sesend ng message, bigla na lang namamatay! kay bagal pa ng pagtetext dahil slow utak ng cellepono kong ito. gusto ko na magbalik loob sa ericsson. hay. this is what i get for listening to blasted sales talk. tsk. dapat ata maging mas aware sa cellphone matters. haha.

bed: nakuh. ang dahilan lang nito? kasi pag nagwawala kami noon dito sa kwarto ko noong series, o catering, o feasib, o thesis, o kahit wala lang, tambay lang, may napapatalon sa kama. hehe. sira tuloy. isa pa, tagal na ng kama ko... since gradeschool pa yata eh. kailangan nang palitan... kaunti na lang malapit ko nang malakihan 'to eh.

cd writer: tama bang term 'to? medyo techno bobo eh. kasi naman, kay dali nasira nung combo. effort tuloy mag-burn ng files sa cd kung galing sa puter ko.... lipat ko pa sa puter ni father dear sa kabilang kwarto. hay.

sandalyas/ tsinelas: hehe. wala lang. obsesyon ko na yata ito. pero sabagay... napabili ako ng sandalyas kanina ng di oras. kasi naman, isa na nga lang ang klase ko kanina, 4th floor pa ito, ginawa ko pa ang may pagka-weird na assignment, at nag-taxi pa ko (dahil late na) tapos walang pasok. shet. para mawala ang inis... bumili na lang ako ng sandalyas. yebah.

books: matagal na akong di nakakabili ng libro na for leisure reading lang talaga. maalala ko pala... 'yung mga librong pinahiram ko noon pa, hindi pa bumabalik... huhu. makikita ko pa kaya sila? nalalagas na ang aking munting library. hehe.

printer: oo nga pala! ang printer ko ay naghihingalo na... hehe. kitang-kita naman sa pangyayari noong feasib. sana mapalitan na... (pati pc na rin... hehe. o kahit bagong hard drive lang. 'yung sabi ni mervs na 80gb yata. hehe)

booze bakasyon: hahaha! saya sana nito. tulad nung mga antipolo nights dati... na wala nang near-death experiences. haha. oh well... dito na lang yan sa bahay para mas safe. =D

wala na ko maisip eh... karamihan yata diyan kailangan lang kasi. di ako ma-gift na person... ewan ko ba. basta gusto ko lang maging masaya ako sa birthday ko... at maka-graduate na! hahaha.

besides, wala ka rin naman siguro balak na tuparin yan. haha.

...

2006-01-07T00:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes you just have a gut feeling that something bad is about to happen. but you can't really do anything. how could you, when you don't even know what it is?

it has been gnawing at me all afternoon. i thought i was just feeling sick because i had too much junk to eat during what would probably pass as "lunch" at four in the afternoon. after a few hours, i wasn't feeling as full. i didn't feel any better. i recognized dread.

the evening came and went, but nothing happened, really. so i just didn't bother with it anymore, had no reason to anyway...

until now.

(50th post ko na pala ito. heeh. *claps*)

new year gibberish

2006-01-02T23:49:00.000+08:00

2006 na. naks. ilang araw na lang twenty na ko.

yep, you heard it right. none of the pa-cute teen effect for me. sa tunay na buhay lang, masyado kong malaki para magpacute at kailangan ko na lang tanggapin ang pangyayaring ito. oh yeah. spoken like a true... errr... adult?! haha!

shet! excited na ko sa birthday ko!!! senglotan na 'to mga tsong!! (ayun. nawala ang maturity.)

ano ba ang mga madalas na ilagay sa mga new year post? new year's resolution? hmm... wala naman ako nito eh. di ko rin naman kasi nasusunod. year in review? naku, medyo boring yata ito. kasi majority ng taon ko eh sa school lang naman talaga nakatuon. kung meron namang mga bagay na kakatuwa o kagimbal-gimbal na naganap nitong nakaraang taon, malamang naisulat ko na rin iyon dito. ano pa ang saysay ng year-end review ngayon?

sabihin ko nalang kaya kung ano nangyari nung huling araw ng 2005. eherm. the last day in review. shet.

naglinis ako ng kwarto. walang biro. alam ko lagi ko na lang sinasabi na maglilinis ako ng aking kwarto (na punong-puno ng galit at damit... ayyangkorni.), pero ngayon ko lang talaga nagawa 'yung todo linis na ito. isa lang ang napagtanto ko- ang "kalat" ko ay hindi ko talaga kalat. may bookshelf akong hindi ko naman libro ang nakalagay. may mga labahing karamihan ay di naman akin, may cabinet akong sarili pero lagpas kalahati nun ay hindi naman ginagamit na, at hindi akin. hay. ang aking kwarto ay hindi talaga kwarto. isa siyang bodega. at nagiging dagdag lang sa kalat ko ang binili ni Ma na storage bins para sa gamit kong "ikinakalat" ko raw. hay.

bugnutin din pala ako. ayan. nagulat ako diyan. at pag bad trip na pala ko, naaaliw akong maglakad-lakad mag-isa. kaya pumunta ako ng sm. nag-away pa kami ng kapatid ko dito kasi sasama sana siya para makipagkita sa boylet niya. pero dahil wala ko sa mood makipagkulitan, iniwan ko siya. sorry, jen.

okay naman maglakad sa mall noon. sa bilihan lang ng cakes sobrang madaming tao. pati sa grocery. may binili lang naman ako sa bookstore at bumili ng doughnuts sa dots. nawala yata sungit ko dun sa bata na nakasalubong ko. ang cute kasi. tapos nakatingin siya sa akin. nakangiti at kinakawayan pa ako. tinignan ko pa nga nanay niya dahil baka kilala ko, di naman. napangiti tuloy ako. kasi tuwang-tuwa sa buhay niya 'yung bata eh. parang di naman tama na sumimangot ako at sirain 'yung araw niya.

pag-uwi ko, nag-net ako sandali. tapos nautusan akong bumili ng last minute supplies. heeh. daming tao sa cherry. bumalik 'yung inis ko dun. kasi naman muntik na ko maatrasan dun. eh di naman bumubusina whatsoever 'yung lalaki. paglabas niya ng sasakyan, ang angas pa. bling bling sa porma at utang na loob ang pabango! na-suffocate yata ako. hrmph.

pinagawa ako ng garlic bread. ermmm... medyo oks na ko nito kasi naaalala ko pag function. garlic bread maker na yata ako forever sa kitchen noon, kahit di naman ako production. haha. nawala 'yung stress ko sa epal na mamang 'yon.

nanood na ko ng tv pagkatapos. nagtago sa isang sulok para kainin 'yung pulutan na naitakbo namin ni Ma (inihaw na tuna belly. yum) at hinintay ang 2006.

ayan. ayan na 'yung last day ko ng 2005. inis-okay lang. hehe.

at 'yung nangyari kanina...

first day ng classes....

wala.

as in walang naganap. walang klase. period.

futile ang aking efforts na maging mabait na estudyante ora mismo.

kinausap ko na lang ng heart-to-heart si manong ebe. at na-open up na niya sa akin ang kaniyang nakaraan. hehe.

tapos, pumunta na naman akong sm para mag-lunch. alone. isa pang paboritong gawain. kasi wala nang nanonood sa'yo habang kumakain ka. walang pakialamanan kung matakaw. pero napansin ko kanina, dahil sa jumbo japs ako kumain, hindi na ako kasinglakas ng dati. gutom na gutom na ako kanina ha, dahil hindi ako nag-almusal. hmm... napatunayan ko tuloy na talaga ngang matakaw ako by association. especially when i am associated with ces. hahahaha!

tapos umuwi. nanood ng tv. napaisip ng kwarto ko (na susunod ko na talagang gawan ng entry ang issue na ito). nagbasa. at ngayon, ito. ginagawa ka.

mahaba na rin pala ang unang post ko ngayong taon. di ko mahanap na 'yung point ko. wala naman yata siyang sense. hmmm... pero 'yun na nga rin 'yung sense ata nun. basta. susunod ko naman na explain 'yun.

Tawa Hanggang Umaga

2005-12-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

bumabalik na naman ang pagiging nocturnal ko. di ako nakatulog hanggang mga alas-singko na siguro. madaling araw na pero gising pa rin ako, nakaharap sa PC. wala naman akong ka-ym. sumasagot ng survey para di mabagot sa kawalan. ang tanging kasama kong gising ay ang kapatid ko, wala rin naman siyang natutulong sa insomnia ko kasi sinusulit nila ng boyfriend niya ang unlimited.

naisipan ko tuloy na maglinis ng mga inbox ko. nang matapos ko na ang paglilinis ng e-mail ko (na wala rin naman kwenta, kasi super laki ng space sa gmail), naisip kong linisin din 'yung sa friendster ko. nakita ko ang message ni jonas sa akin noon pa, nakalagay 'yung link ng site nya. at doon na nag-umpisa ang laughtrip ko.

nakalagay kasi sa site niya 'yung mga corny jokes namin nung high school. madami na nga ata dun 'yung di ko na maalala 'yung sagot. at dahil madaling araw na, wala pa akong tulog, etc, etc, mabenta ang mga jokes na 'yun sa'kin. at pati na rin sa kapatid ko. may mga di pa nga kami ma-gets nung una eh.

share ko na rin 'yung iba (check n'yo 'yung link ni jonas sa sidebar kung gusto n'yo makita lahat).

Q: bakit si Jesus, laging maligaya?

A: kasi, He is the Masaya.

Q: bakit si Jesus hindi nauuhaw?

A: kasi, He is the King of the Juice

(sorry po. natawa talaga ko dito eh. )

Q: sinong hero ang sumasakay ng bus, jeep, mrt, tricycle, fx, etc?

A: edi si, pasaHERO

Q: anong pinag-aralan ni Tiger Woods nung college?

A: GOLF COURSE

A: gud murning, sir! tsik-in po kayu?

B: hindi, noy-pi.

Q: sa isang dyip, ilan ang driver?

A: anim

Q: there were 10 soldiers, 2 must die. how many were left?

A: nine

Q: saan kumakain ang mga bear?

A: sa BEAR-ger King!

Q: ang cat ay sa pusa, anong sagot?

A: kambing

Q: sinong artista ang maraming ngipin?

A: si ma-teeth de leon!

Q: sinong artista ang mas marami ang ngipin?

A: si edgar mor-teeth!

Q: sinong artista ang konti ang ngipin?

A: si paolo kon-teeth!

angkorni na noh? oh well, i guess you just had to be in that moment para maramdaman n'yo 'yung saya namin dahil sa corny jokes na 'yan.

*Happy Birthday, Marvi (corny joke queen) !!!*

Christmas Post

2005-12-25T20:11:00.000+08:00

(try ko lang mag-umingles ulit. nakakalimutan ko na yata kung paano eh. hehe)

even when i was little, i wasn't really too crazy about christmas. as far as i know, i never had any traumatic experiences during christmas so the reason behind my lack of enthusiasm for the season is still undetermined. don't get me wrong, i'm no grinch. i just don't find it as exciting as new year maybe. or my birthday (which is coming up in a few weeks, might i just add).

so i didn't think this year would be any different. i'd probably sleep through Noche Buena, if not zone out in front of the TV and eat the meal there. gifts? there's not a lot of it, since my birthday is just a few weeks after christmas. i was set for a quiet weekend.

i didn't expect it to be filled with surprises.

we hung out friday afternoon. he told me he'd come by for dinner after work and that he would be a little late. i was panicking when i finished with my shower and saw the message. he's been waiting for almost an hour. they got off work early. i was happy, we got to hang out longer, a week is too long. hehe. mush.

saturday, my cousins came and it was a riot, as always. my mom got me a gift that i actually liked. hehe. joke lang, Ma. checked friendster and saw the pic and the caption. heehee. that made my night.

sunday afternoon, my dad came home from Malaysia. just for the week. i had a hunch that he was coming. as i'm writing this, i am actually in hiding from all the chaos that's happening outside my room. i might get in the middle of all the teasing again and i've run out of comebacks. hehe.

i've told someone last night that this year's christmas is probably one of the best christmases (?) i've had since birth. now you know it's true... so don't doubt the things i told you after that. hehe.

November 15, 2005

2005-11-16T07:56:00.000+08:00

haha. late na kasi itong post na 'to. takte, naaliw kasi ko masyado eh, di ko tuloy naisip na pwede ko pala ilagay sa blog ko. hehe.

basta, masaya 'yang araw na iyan. di ko nga alam kung paano na lang nangyari 'yun... argh. basta. hirap naman maglagay ng kasiyahan dito ng hindi nagiging mushy. hahaha!

salamat kasi kasama kita. naks.

Time to Flush

2005-11-13T19:45:00.000+08:00

tulungan nyo nga ako mag-decide...

mga ilang weeks din na walang nagaganap sa blog na ito... wala lang. hindi na kasi ako gabi-gabi nakakapag-net eh. tulad nga ng sabi sa dati kong post, mahirap magsulat pag masaya ka. di naman dahil sa wala ka ng angst na kailangang ilabas, kundi dahil na rin wala ka na ring panahong magpakabum sa harap ng PC dahil nga busy ka sa mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa iyo.

binasa ko lang ulit 'yung mga entries ko. parang ang layo na kasi nung mga pangyayaring nakalagay dun, 'yung mga emosyon na nagtulak sa akin para magrant ng ganun kahaba. wala na nga akong maalala sa iba doon, at wala na nga 'yung dahilan ng pagbuo ko (noong una) sa blog ko. may mga naisusulat pa naman ako, malamang dahil may buhay pa naman ako... pero 'yun na nga. minsan mas gusto ko nalang magkwento sa tunay na buhay kaysa magblog. hehe.

kaya lang naisip ko 'yung pagod ko sa pagbuo ng blog ko. minsan na niyang kinain ang malaking parte ng araw ko. dumami na rin ang nakilala ko dahil sa pagblog. naging diary ko na rin siya ng mga kalokohan ko at kung anu-ano pa. napalipat na ako ng site, nagbago ng lay-out, naglipat ng entries na noong una ay di ko pa alam na puwede palang palitan ang dates (at di ko na rin pinalitan sa katamaran), nag-link, nag-tag, blah, blah, blah. bottomline, madami na akong nagawa para lang dito.

ngayon, ito ang conflict ko: panahon na nga ba para tumigil? isara na itong blog na ito? huhu. ano sa tingin nyo?

Masaya Lang Ako Today

2005-10-21T20:04:00.000+08:00

ayun. masaya lang ako today. hehehe.

hindi naman ako puwedeng tumambling dito... takot ko lang na mabali likod ko sa bigat ng katawan ko. ngyahahaha. kaya sa blog ko na lang!

hindi ko naisip na mag-eenjoy ako ng sobra, lalo pa't todo na 'yung kabog ko kagabi.

at maaga akong ginising ng isang nilalang dahil sa pangungulit.

at pinipigsawat pa ako (check mo si bob ong kung di mo alam yan).

at muntikan na akong ma-divert dahil sa nawawalang buckle.

at muntik na ako masukahan ng bata sa fx.

hehe. pero kebs naman 'yan eh. dahil natuwa talaga ako. oks na una ito. hehe. one for the books!

Weirdo kong Insomnia

2005-10-17T02:07:00.000+08:00

hindi ako makatulog. sakit ko na ito eh. basta mahaba-haba ang bakasyon, gaya ngayong sembreak, para akong may insomnia. hindi ako makatulog sa gabi. makuha ko man ang tulog ko ng mga madaling araw, hindi naman ako makatulog hanggang tanghali. 6 am nagigising na ako. 8 am na at the latest. buti sana kung marami akong naa-accomplish in the wee hours of the morning, but no... isa lamang akong tuod sa harap ng pc, nagsusulat sa blog. hay.

paggising ko naman, parang pagod na pagod naman ako. kakain, maliligo, chichika ng konti sa mga tao sa bahay para naman sabihin nilang hindi ako anti-social. mapapagalitan pa ako ng nanay ko, kasi nga minsan na lang ako pumirmi sa bahay, nakakulong pa ako sa kwarto ko madalas (hehe. mahal ako ng nanay ko eh!). so by lunch time, inaantok na ako, babalik sa kwarto ko, at matutulog.

paggising ko, gabi na. dinner ulit. pero siyempre, kung hyper na ako ng mga ganitong oras, ang mga tao naman sa amin, hindi mo maistorbo. hehe. tv time na 'toh eh. edi siyempre, harap naman ako sa pc, o kaya naman magbabasa na lang. sa susunod na mapansin ko na ang oras, madaling araw na. wala na naman akong magawa. edi mapapaisip nalang ako, haharapin itong blog ko at magsusulat ng kung anu-anong pumasok sa isip ko.

so ano na ang napala ko sa litanya kong ito? wala naman. gusto ko lang i-justify ang pagiging bum ko. kung maayos ko lang talaga 'yang sleeping problem ko na 'yan, magiging productive siguro bakasyon ko (not to mention, makakasama ako sa mga lakad at hindi ito matutulugan!). waaah!! tatlong araw pa lang ito... dalawang linggo pa bago ako bumalik sa kabaliwan ng mundo. nababagot na ako!

Tsk... Friendster Let Me Down...

2005-10-15T14:31:00.000+08:00

basically, isa ako sa iilang taong naaliw sa bagong features ng friendster. lalo na 'yung puwede mo nang ma-view kung sino ang tumitingin sa profile mo. c'mon! madami pa kasing hindi nakaka-discover nito, so malamang hindi nila alam na puwede kang mag-anonymous... at ang resulta? well, mabubuko ka lang naman ng taong nais mong ispottan! wahahahahahaha!!!!

evil... evil... evil...

at dahil natututo ako ng cyber espionage from my gurlfriend (ngehehehe) ginawan ko agad ng paraan para hindi ako ma-discover ng mga sangkatauhang iniispottan ko, at naging thankful dahil days before na-activate ang feature na ito, hindi ako nakakapag-open ng account ko. yebah!

at bilang lately na lang ulit ako nakakapag-net, ngayon ko lang ulit nakita ang mga bagong "fans" ko. so guess who i saw when i first opened my page a few days ago, nang nandito si gurlfriend ces...

ngyahahaha! hindi siya! mali ang iniisip nyo pero... uhmm... attached sa kanya. *wink* *wink*

natural, nag-gloat ako sandali, dahil hindi ko naman friend ang personang ito pero tinitignan niya pala ang profile ko. at never kong nakita ang sarili ko as a threat. so na-curious ako at nag-check ng profile nya, pero di ko puwedeng ma-view. siyet.

oh well, masaya pa rin ako dahil kailangan pa rin pala niya ako i-check paminsan-minsan... at ngayon ay alam ko nang ginagawa pala niya iyon! wahahahahaha!!

so kung down ako, as evil as it may sound, log in lang ako sa friendster para makita iyon at natutuwa na ako. hehe.

pero nang mag-log in ako kanina lang, nagulat ako. wala na ang "who's viewed me" portion ng friendster. tsk. tinanggal ng friendster ang natitirang kamalditahan ko. no no no. you let me down todo friendster. akala ko pa naman nagiging mas matapang na kayo.... (ngyahahaha! nagdrama ba?!)

bad friendster.

Huli Na 'To

2005-10-14T13:35:00.000+08:00

kung ikaw nga ay nag-iisip, alam ko na ang iniisip mo. nope, hindi ito ang huli kong blog post. assuming ka naman kasi masyado. haha. ibang "huli" iyan. gusto mong malaman kung ano? wait ka lang diyan sandali at uumpisahan ko na...

ehem. ehem. game.

(obvious bang delaying tactics?! kasi naman medyo touchy pa ako tungkol dito)

nasabi ko na kasi ang mga dapat kong sabihin, tinapos na lahat ng dapat tapusin. iyon na siguro ang huling beses na magsasama kami ng ganoon. mukhang malabo na kasi na magkaroon pa ng pagkakataon na ibalik 'yung dati, madami na kasing komplikasyon. kahit pa gaano ka... uhmm... platonic (err.. for lack of a better term) iyong gusto naming mangyari, kailangang umiwas sa gulo eh.

hindi ko na sasabihin kung ano mga nangyari. gusto naming iwan na ito katulad ng kung paano namin siya inumpisahan, isang malaking sikreto. ibalato niyo na naman sa amin 'yung moment na 'yun. hehe.

malamang na-pick up mo na ang kalungkutan ko. at kung alam mo na talaga ang kwentong ito, alam ko na ang sasabihin mo. sa totoo lang, hindi ko inaasahang malulungkot ako ng sobra. matagal ko na kasing desisyon ito. hyped up na ako at sanay na ako sa ideyang wala nang balikan ito kapag nagawa ko na. pero nalungkot talaga ako. nasira ang aking "brave front." nanghinayang ako sa mga taon, sa mga pinagsamahan. alam ko namang tama ang ginagawa ko, at alam din niyang kailangan kong gawin iyon. siguro nagulat lang kami pareho. matagal kasi kaming hindi nagkita at ngayong magkaharap na kami, ayun.

parang ang sama ko tuloy. nung panahong iyon kasi, naramdaman ko na importante rin ako sa kanya. siya pa rin pala iyong taong kayang-kaya akong basahin. nakita ko kung paano niya pilit na inintindi ang mga sinabi ko. doon ko lang napatunayan, sa loob ng napakaraming taon, na nag-aalala pala talaga siya sa akin... na hindi rin pala niya gustong makita akong umiiyak. at nang sabihin niyang mahal niya ako, iyon na ang unang beses (in N years) na naniwala ako. nalungkot ako kasi parang ginagawa ko rin sa kanya iyong ginawa niya sa akin noon.

(alam ko, dapat naman talagang gawin ko iyon, pero nang mawala ang lahat ng nega sa dugo ko, na-realize ko ang evil ko)

nalungkot din ako kasi lahat ng ginawa niya nung nagkita kami, lahat ng sinabi niya, lahat ng pinadama niya sa akin, wala nang saysay. huli na talaga. hindi na ako babalik.

**
feel ko na ang pagalit ng friends... hehe. don't worry, ngayon lang ito. phase lang. kailangan ko lang ilabas 'yan and i'll be okay in.... uhmmm... pag na-publish ko na 'to! haha. congratulations to me dahil hindi ako nag-back out. yeeey!

More Than Just Coffee

2005-10-06T03:12:00.000+08:00

astig ng concept board namin 'noh?
gawa ni kuya andrew ni jobongga.
edited sa taralets sa tulong nina
ate malou. dun na-test ang pagka-
techno-bobo ko dahil linux ang gamit
nila. hay. hehe.

Underground... And Under A Lot of Happiness

2005-10-06T01:00:00.000+08:00

grabe. now i can feel the sem's finally coming to a close. tapos na ang pinakamalaking terminal project na ginawa namin sa buong tanambuhay namin bilang HRIM students sa peyups.... ang feasib.

at guess what?! ang concept namin... ang UNDERGROUND... 3rd place! at bakit tuwang-tuwa ako? kasi naman, hindi talaga namin siya inaasahan. alam ko, lahat naman kami, gold ang gustong makuha pero nabubuhay naman kami sa mundo na tinatawag naming "realidad" at alam naman namin ang mga efforts, financial or otherwise, na pinapakita ng mga iba naming kaklase... todo na 'yun eh. kaya ang makakuha lang ng medalya for an idea na nag-umpisa lang sa tambayan, 30 minutes bago kailangang mag-pass ng concept... (sabi nga ni jopet) you jollibeekiddiemeal!!

nakakaiyak pa nun, kasi malaki ang kasalanan ko sa groupmates ko... teehee. late na kasi akong dumating sa presentation... kumusta naman 'yung 9am ang exhibit, 10am na ako nag-materialize?! hindi ko po iyon sinasadya, hindi iyon katamaran. if anything, it was a failure of my cramming abilities... este... of my printers' cramming capabilities pala. dapat ata, ang printer ko, 'yung ginagamit na nina ate malou sa taralet's para sureball ang printing ko. sa kalagitnaan ng pag-iyak ko dahil sa hindi ko na alam ang gagawin, sa pagtawag nila joboss at mon na hindi ko rin masagot dahil umiiyak ako, at sa pag-iyak ng groupmates ko dahil akala nila hindi na ako aabot... ay ninanag ako ng nanay ko na mag-almusal dahil wala pa raw akong tulog at baka ako mabangenge. well mother knows best at sana nga ay pinakinggan ko siya...

dahil sa pag-click lang ni manong photographer sa flash ay nawala na ang lahat ng nilalaman ng utak ko para sa aking five-minute pitch. nagising niya ang ulirat kong nasa steady state of bangagness. cool, calm and collected 'yun tas sa isang iglap lang, pinakabog ako ni manong.

at makakalimutan ko ba sa feasib na ito si ma'am catral?! haay... nagpumilit na may exam daw kami sa he 101 that day... dapat namin siyang ihabla dahil sa ginawa niyang deception sa amin!! biruin mo, ethics prof at ganun ang ginawa niya?! na-torture ang utak namin doon. wala namang exam. napa-charades pa kami eh hindi na nga gumagana mga utak namin. edi nakarinig si ma'am ng mga sagot na window-pane lovers, acting na wala lang, pagsayaw ng "kapag tumibok ang puso," at nasilayan si george, our very loveable GMO. dahil sa kanila hindi ko rin napanood ang intermission... at naputikan ang stockings namin ni mary sa aming paglusong sa ulan (in our pumps!).

well, lahat naman ng iyan, wala na sa amin. iba naman kasi 'yung kasiyahan na naramdaman naming lahat nang banggitin ni ma'am roscom ang pangalan ng concept namin. actually, disbelief nga iyon eh. naroon na 'yung sa kalagitnaan ng aking antok, at dahil ako ay on the verge of passing out, pagscoot over ko kay lala (reboot queen) para tanungin kung sino ang nag-third, nalaglag ako sa upuan ko, in my corporate highness and all. flat on my butt, sa harap ng buong che lobby. wala pa sa feasib mates ang tumulong dahil sa pag-aakala nilang punchline 'yun... grabe namang farce ito! hindi ganoon ang humor ko 'noh... sakit kaya sa balakang 'nun?!

at masaya rin ako para sa dairy dose!! yeyyy!!! dahil sila rhyan at jac ang kasama ko nung mga panahong kinailangan ko ng happiness at kabayo. haha. nagkatotoo ang mga hinala at kuro-kuro nating lahat. apir! uhmm!

hmmm... grabe na 'yun. masaya rin ako kasi marami rin pala sa mga "oldies" judges ang naniniwala sa concept namin.... at pati si scone!!! not much bitterness now... heehee. si ma'am roscom din na parang chika lang ang buong exhibit dahil sa kakalogan nya. kaya nga siguro nag-enjoy din kami kahit ngarag na.

at si manong ebe the guard!!! ngyahahahaha. na kahit na late na late na ako, nakuha pa akong pangitiin dahil sa sobrang bilib sya sa akin... adik talaga 'yun... sana nga siya na lang nagbigay ng medals namin. ngyahahaha!!!

groupmates, families, friendships, kuya marlon (the surname-less), mong, at ang kama kong matagal-tagal na rin akong namimiss.... todo salamat.

napakahaba na nito. late na rin. haha. malamang wala nang magbabasa nito. pero masaya ako kaya walang kokontra. haha.

Kampai!

2005-09-25T17:29:00.000+08:00

liquid happiness... haha.

Nang Mapag-Isip Ako ng Isang Notebook

2005-09-25T16:40:00.000+08:00

mataray ba ako? talaga bang nakasimangot ako palagi noon? wala lang. bigla ko lang naalala. may nahalungkat kasi akong "love letter" ng kaklase ko nung high school sa likod ng notebook ko... sinulat namin noon, kapag nababagot na kami sa klase pero hindi naman pwedeng mag-usap.

nakalagay kasi doon na hindi niya ako gusto dati kasi mataray daw ako, basta, mahaba-haba pang litanya iyon pero 'yan na 'yung gist. may example pa siya na nung pinakilala daw siya sa akin, hindi ko raw siya kinausap o tinignan man lang. nagulat ako siyempre, kasi hindi ko naman maalala 'yun. tsaka lang daw nagbago 'yung opinyon niya sa akin nung magkasama na kami.

nalaman ko rin noon (sa pamamagitan naman ng kalasingan) na may mga panahong natatakot din ang nakaraan sa akin. hehe. hindi ko alam 'yun. kapag kasi hindi na raw ako umiimik, magtataray na raw ako sunod. hindi ko naman kayang magalit noon at alam niyang iyakin ako. nagulat talaga ako nang marinig ko rin 'yun. ewan ko na lang kung totoo.

tapos nasabihan na rin ako ng prof. sa totoong buhay lang, dalawang prof. napansin kasi nila na nakasimangot daw ako sa klase nila at tinatanong nila ako kung ano raw ang problema ko. ngek. bawal na bang magseryoso sa klase ngayon? nasermonan tuloy ako tungkol sa aging at wrinkles ng di oras.

may magagawa kaya ako para mawala 'yung "mataray image" ko raw?

hmmm...

ngayon, nakakagago na 'yung ngiti ko. baka naman may umangal pa. hahaha.

Rant sa Umaga

2005-09-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

malapit na malapit na ang end ng sem na ito... pero parang wala pa akong nagagawang matino. para kasing mas naaalala ko pa 'yung mga paglabas-labas ko kaysa sa mga school work na natatapos ko. senioritis kaya? parang nung high school, nung 4th year na rin ako medyo nagpaka-slacker. huling hirit na naman kasi ito eh, enjoy na lang sana.

but no! hindi pwede ito. may thesis pa, may feasib, mga reports at exams na kailangan pang tapusin. ilang araw na lang natitira para maayos ko buhay ko (hehe) pero lutang pa rin. katulad ngayon, dapat nag-aaral ako for STS pero nagsusulat pa rin ako sa blog. adik. i need motivation!! huhuhu.

bad trip pa 'yung tagboard. pinapapalitan ni ces 'yung akin pero worse pa ang nangyari... ayaw mag-auto refresh. huhu. revert back to the usual blogger templates para maayos ko yan. hay. next time nalang. pipilitin ko nang mag-aral.

I Drink Therefore I Am

2005-09-08T20:44:00.000+08:00

how bored can i get? haha. sa kalagitnaan ng paggawa ng write up (sorry ces, wala pa akong nagagawa), nakita ko ito... try mo rin, lalo na kung isa ka sa mga drinking buds. hehe.

How to make a rach

Ingredients:

1 part jealousy

5 parts crazyiness

3 parts empathy

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of lovability

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Bakeeet?!

2005-09-05T09:30:00.000+08:00

wala akong maisulat!! waah. parang writer's block. nakukulapulan na ang utak ko ng kabalbalan!!! hahaha.

bakit mas madali magsulat pag hindi ka naaaliw sa buhay mo?

NYC 714

2005-08-29T20:57:00.000+08:00

gusto ko lang i-immortalize ang plate number nung up-sm jeep na nasakyan ko kanina nung galing akong treehouse. wala kasi akong barya at na-shock si manong sa inabot ko. tapos binalik n'ya sa'kin ung pera at sinabing next time na lang. grabe the best si manong! hehe.

baka kasi makalimutan ko 'yung plate number nya. para makabayad naman ako pagsakay ulit.

Diary of a Bum Weekend

2005-08-29T11:11:00.000+08:00

long weekend... whoop-de-doo!!

at siyempre, ano pa ang magandang gawin kapag ganitong mga panahon?

magpaka-bum! yipee!!

ito na ang breakdown ng mga pangyayari from friday hanggang ngayong umaga:

FRIDAY
7 am class, nagkwentuhan lang kami ni ais. pe, wala kaming partner ni sandra (2nd yr. hrim shiftee) at nagdaldalan lang kami habang tinuturuan si mark (kikay guy) at tinitignan ang kanyang contact prints (na-tibo ako sa creative shot). puntang sc for lunch... at naghintay forever kay ces habang ako'y naliligiran ng coupledom. haha.

balik che para makipag-meet for feasib, ended up consulting for thesis. nag-photo op sa kotse, soundtrip, at naghintay. sumama manundo bago umuwi... at na-bully na mag-cameo sa lib. haha. happiness nga raw.

hindi pa masyadong bum. pero nakatulog ako ng di ko namamalayan. paggising ko wala na 'yung dinner ko, at patay na lahat ng ilaw pati tv. hehe. bait talaga ni jeni!

SATURDAY
late (as always) sa STS. sagad ko na absences kaya di na ko pwede ma-late for the rest of the sem. wala pa si abe, kasabay ko sanang pumunta ng function ng class ni chef gene. nakipagpalitan ng corny superhero jokes kina jaimee at aids. inaabangan ko nalang ilabas 'yung attendance sheets for second period ng mga 10:30. but because si madcao ito, alas-dose na niya pinakalat ang attendance sheets. wah. hindi na ako nakaabot sa function. there goes my P 50 full course lunch.

head over to the tambayan. daming tao. nag-aya sina wean na manood ng game nina aissa sa pe. basketball. punta ng gym. pinanood si ais ma-foul out, magpalit ng jersey at makakuha pa ng 2 fouls ulit. haha. nanalo naman sila. nakita ang coach na kamukha ni jo aniban. na-disturb sa mga splitting actions ng pep squad na nag-rerehearse. dumating si jo at dumiretso na ng katipunan for lunch.

lunch at shakey's. nag-antay forever kay mau. bumalik ng starbucks. pinilit si mau na mag-drews hanggang sa maiyak-iyak na siya. weird, first time na narinig ko siyang mag-turn down ng session. tuloy pa rin kami: wean, ais, and me. alis kasi si wean ng sunday for bohol. nag-orgy kami twice sagot ni aissa dahil nga nanalo sila. medyo tumatama na kay wean kasi laugh trip siya the whole time. kumakanta kami ng spoof ng "the day you said goodnight" habang ang buong bar ay feel na feel ang kadramahan nito. heehee.

habol kina rye. birthday niya kasi. hard naman dito... i was reunited with empy. haha. dito ko lang ata naranasan na ang tagay ay kasing taas ng chaser... at mas mataas pa minsan! tinamaan kasi halo na ang drinks ko that night. punong-puno ang digicam ko ng pics na kinuha nina ces at kristan (?) ng mga lasing. hehe.

SUNDAY

sleepover kina ces!! hehehe. kung hindi ko pa nakita si teddy, sisigaw na ako kasi may naniniko sa akin sa kama. forgot to turn off my usual alarm so nagising ako ng 4 am. went back to sleep, woke up mga 8:30? can't really remember. hindi na wasted, yipee. breakfast at recount ng mga pangyayari the night before. laugh trip. chinika ako ng tatay ni ces. close na kami. took a picture of my feet na suot ang slippers ni ces. ang lapad nung slippers tsaka ang haba para sa akin. natisod ako. hahaha. pumunta kina aimee para manggulo at makitingin ng pictures. bumalik kina ces, nanood ng tv, kinilig, nagutom, kumain, nanood ng cooking show. ginutom. nag-photo op ulit. nag-siesta. kinilig ulit. nag-merienda. nangulit. natawa sa mga pictures...

at finally, uuwi na ako. naligo na at last at ako'y squeaky clean na. natulog ako mga 2 am na... tulog lang kasi ng tulog kina ces. hahaha. di tuloy ako inaantok.

MONDAY
ngayon na ito ah. hmm... hindi na masyadong bum kasi madami na ulit inaayos. he 101, feasib, thesis, may meeting mamaya, sulat sa blog. hay. balik na naman sa normal na buhay.

at diyan nagtatapos ang diary ng bum weekend. wah. nagugutom na ako.

The STS Adventures!!

2005-08-20T19:12:00.000+08:00

napaabsent ako ng di oras sa first half ng sts class ko kanina dahil sa isang ikot driver na hayok sa pasahero at walang konsiderasyon sa mga sakay na niyang fifty million years nang inaamag sa kakatanga. pagpasok ko ng cs audi ay natawa pa ang mga groupmates kong natira that day- si aids, jaimee, aib, gene, at coach dahil ako nga pinaka-late. mga ilang minutes na rin akong nakaupo nang tanungin ako ni jaimee:

"sino ba ang may dala ng powerpoint natin? si armi o si franz?"

omaigad. dun ko lang naalala na may exam nga pala si leader franz (sabay nauulinig ko pa ang sabi niya last meeting na "kayo na ang bahala sa report") at wala kaming nasabihang iba na magburn ng copy ng presentations dahil si franz ang laging nagdadala noon.

but i'm sure dala ni armi 'yun since siya ang in charge sa presentation this week. no need to worry.

dito na pinaalala ni aids na may exam din si armi that morning... at ilang reporters nalang kami na.

panic mode na ang buong group at dito namin napagdesisyunan ni jaimee na pumuntang lib at i-DL ang mga files from the e-group.

no prob until...

J: okay na. tara balik na tayo.
R: okay. *lakad* ang aga-aga napa-marathon nila tayo
J: *tigil lakad* shet... wala nga pala tayong masasakyan!!!
R: oo nga.
J: toki nalang tayo, kahit part of the way
R: ha?! jaimee, pareho lang naman ng route palabas ng cs ang ikot at toki eh.
J: ayy oo nga pala. sorry.

*toot toot*

msg: aids mlapit na tau. sna bumabalik nkau

J: oh shit *takbo*
R: no way. *takbo*
J: nababanyo pa ako
R: ngayon lang ako natuwa na makita ang cs
*hingal* *hingal*

nakarating kami ng cs ng matiwasay, with around five to ten minutes to spare bago kami magreport. and then sinabi ni MADCAO (read: madame caoili, hehe) na ibang group ang magrereport at idedevote ang natitirang oras sa kanila.

J & R: *mulat mata* @$&amp;>:}!#_+&*<"?! NO WAY.

effort 'yun ha! at sa wakas, napapayag namin si ma'am na isingit kami.

pero wala rin masyadong use 'yung powerpoint dahil hindi kami nabigyan ng chance mag-set up at ang tagal mag-open ng files. nanghinayang tuloy si armi sa word art niya. hehe.

wala lang. kwento ko lang. bow.

Tigbak. Yebah.

2005-08-19T08:49:00.000+08:00

Sleepless in Road 20

2005-08-19T08:39:00.000+08:00

grabe na ang pagiging zombie for the past 48 hours... or 72 na nga ba? siet. tapos hindi pa ako makatulog ngayon dahil tirik na tirik ang araw at feeling ko isang pitsel na ng kape ang naiinom ko... wala nang saysay ang pag-aattempt kong umidlip.

nag-umpisa lang naman kasi ito sa isang usual na cramming session... na inabot na ng alas tres ng umaga dahil sa gurami, gilagid sa gilagid movie titles, editing, dl, at pictures ng cartoon characters (ehehe). isang oras lang halos ang tulog ko kasi may pasok pa ako ng alas siete ng umaga. wala naman akong napala sa pagpasok ko dun kasi laughtrip 'yung buong table namin. adik. hehe.

tapos marathon na-- from proposal presentation, editing, printing, at pag-pass ng reports. haggard. buti na lang at may incentive na gimik after. kaya lang kailangan kong mag-sorry kina ais at jo kasi hindi na kami nakasunod sa drews.... kahit na gusto ko ulit makita ang yummy bartender (ayon nga kay xen), wala na, isang orgy nalang ang kakayanin ng pera ko, at nang karamihan sa aming sasama sana.

at ang sumunod na pangyayari? ako, si rhyan, jeff, xenia, mitch, alma, at yakie ay umuwi sa aming bahay, dala-dala ang beer at extra joss, chichirya, at yelo upang magsession.

and for the very low price of P 500, nakapag-orgy kaming lahat ng ilang beses!

todo kulit ni mitch, parang wala nang happiness bukas. at si rhyan ay ginagawa ang best para maging isang miss minchin na tanggero. steady lang kami nina mayor at baka mabangenge kami ng di oras... pangit naman 'yun. at si yakie... well si yakie ay hilong hilo ng gabing iyon. at iniwan pa nya ang cellphone namin sa labas ng bahay. adik. hehe.

4 am na kami nagligpit (nagulat kami ni alma dahil akala namin magkakape lang sila pero natulog na ang mga bata) at sina rhyan at jeff ay natulog sa papag sa labas ng bahay (with the sound effects na parang god daw at nagpapakilala daw sa kanila ang ilaw).

wala pang dalawang oras ang tulog ko nang yugyugin ako ni yakie.

uwi na raw sila.

umaga na palang tunay.

laugh trip ulit. umuwi na si jeff. tas breakfast. tas umuwi na sila.

bumalik ako sa kwarto ko, nahiga, at pumikit. pero tirik na ang araw talaga. at may meeting daw mamaya. kaya huwag nalang.

isusulat ko na lang ang kabangagan ko.

Thesis It!!

2005-08-17T09:07:00.000+08:00

Ang Semender Na Di Malilimutan

2005-08-17T09:01:00.000+08:00

Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?!

2005-08-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

lumabas ako kagabi kasama ang mga kaibigan ko from high school-- jopet, sheena, welmer, patti, pea, jonas, jeff, mark, at romeo. nanlibre kasi si jopet, may trabaho na kasi siya. nag-inuman kami, nagkwentuhan, nag-asaran, at nalasing (well, at least ako, si sheena, si weng, at si patti yata medyo makulit na. hehe). masaya naman, kasi over a year ko na yata hindi nakikita sina jonas at jeff... at lagi naman makulit pag magkakasama 'yung usual drinking club ng batch namin. ehehe. after nung inuman na naglabasan ng kaunti 'yung ibang kalokohan namin.

nagkape kami siyempre, pantanggal ng amats. pagdating namin sa "kapihan," sabi ni romeo magpapark lang daw siya... after a few minutes, hindi pa rin bumabalik si romeo. siet. iniwan na kami ng aming "ride." nasa kanya pa lahat ng gamit ni jonas so medyo bad trip. hehe. at siya lang ang siguradong sober sa amin dahil batang bottomless 'yan... BOTTOMLESS ICED TEA! hehe.

tapos umorder kami nina shing at mark. habang umoorder, nagkukulitan pa kami... at maya-maya ay may napagbalingan kami ng ibang klaseng atensyon.

sa counter, may glass jars. sa loob ng glass jars naroon ang chocolate biscotti... tinatawag ang pangalan namin....

naka-jacket pa naman kaming tatlo! hahaha... at siyempre since tipsy na, medyo may topak na kaming tatlo.

sa madaling sabi, naharbat namin ang biscocho. tama ba spelling nyan? at kumpleto na ang gabi ng high school tripping namin. (aside from deliberately kaming nakatulog ni shing para hindi magbayad sa cab... hehe. peace!)

hindi po kami klepto... nagkataon lang na hindi kami napapansin... at may impluwensya na kami ng isang kabayong nakangiti. hahaha!

tumatanda man kami... hindi na yata kami babalik sa tamang katinuan. wahahaha!

Ang Mga Pangyayari sa 138... Bow.

2005-08-05T14:01:00.000+08:00

exam sa 138 kanina... and as always, late na naman ako. halos 7:30 na yata ako dumating. todong cramming na kasi ang ginagawa ko dahil gabing-gabi na ako nag-aral... at nababagabag pa ako sa bawat pagyanig ng aking cell-epono. hehe. (si ces kasi! hahaha)

ayun. late nga. tapos pagpasok na pagpasok ko, nag-aabot na si ma'am guevs ng test papers. siet. sakto sa timing.

tapos tumayo ang isang personang itago natin sa alyas na ces at nag-abot ng kapirangot na papel sa akin.

"oye may gift ako sa'yo!!!!"

SINO BA NAMAN ANG HINDI MA-TETEMPT NA BUKSAN IYON?!

nangiti tuloy ako...

at buong exam, akala yata ng prof kodigo ang inabot n'yang iyon. hehehe.

bow.

"Happiness"

2005-08-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

naabutan ko si alma kahapon sa tambayan na hindi masyado happiness ang mood. hindi na pala siya nakapasok sa class nila kasi ni-lock ng prof 'yung pinto. kaya naman pala wala nang isisimangot pa 'yung mukha ni mayor. nasabi niya na wala pang nagaganap sa buhay n'ya 'nung araw na iyon... nag-attempt pa akong sumagot na puro "happiness" nga ang buhay namin ngayon... at sinagot n'ya ako ng ganito:

"iyon na nga eh. kung wala tayong happiness wala nang nangyayari sa buhay ko."

natigilan ako sandali. napaisip ako dun sa sinabi ni alma eh. oo nga, parang wala na kaming ginawa nitong mga nakaraang linggo kundi lumabas, magpakalango, magkulitan. mas naubos pa yata ang pera ko sa mga lakad namin kaysa sa projects at readings na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin sinisilip kay ate sa 2nd floor (at naalala ko ang overdue kong isang buwan.... waaaahh!!!).

parang hindi madami 'yung mga kailangan naming gawin. parang walang feasib at thesis na kailangang problemahin. nakakagulat lang. naalala ko rin 'yung isang usapan namin ni ces nung nanggaling kami ng film center after manood ng guess who.

ibang-iba na kasi ngayon kung ikukumpara mo noong series o catering. noon alam kong pagod na ako, bangag na, pero hindi naman ako tumitigil. parang energizer bunny, we keep on going, and going, and going...

pero ngayon, konting pagod lang, suko na ako. hindi pa nga 'to kasing todo nung sa series or catering eh. ang sabi nga namin, baka nga tumatanda na kami and we've lost the touch for cramming. not enough vitamins na. oh no. masama na ito.

kaya nga siguro "happiness" itong mga huling araw na ito. alam namin kailangan na naming magtino. kaya lang kasi, napapagod din pala kami. kailangan din pala naming magkulitan paminsan-minsan, labas sa feasib at thesis. magpaka-bum. magpacute. malasing hanggang sa maiyak. kumanta hanggang sa sumpain kami ng mga kapitbahay. magkwentuhan. matahimik sa kabangagan.

tapos na ang happiness. back to work na 'toh. good luck sa exam sa 138. hehe.

Technologically Tragic

2005-07-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

imagine this:

4 pm pa lang tapos ko na lahat ng dapat tapusin para sa feasib report tomorrow morning. 9 pm tapos ko na 'yung gimmick na sinasabi ni joboss para astig sana 'yung presentation.

12:30 am na natatanga na naman ang burner ko!!!

sabi sa pop-up, 2 minutes na lang tapos na... eh p*@#^&! 15 minutes na hindi na gumalaw pa 'yung bar chorva nya... aiup talaga. tas nung na-click ko, not responding na! grrr talaga... imbes na wala na akong kangarag-ngarag dahil minsan sa buhay ko ay sinipag ako, ang teknolohiya naman ang magpapabagsak sa akin! IBALIK NA NGA LANG ANG MANILA PAPER AT PENTEL PEN!!! at least doon wala na akong sablay.

ang malabo lang talaga dito, nung isang linggo nakapag-burn pa ako ng kanta para sa kaibigan ko. hindi naman siya tinopak. napagtanto ko na kung kailan ko siya talagang kailangan... saka naman siya nasisira... nananadya na yata ito ah... parang lalake. hahahaha!!

hay... todo na nga siguro desperasyon ko dahil itinatawa ko na lang ito. sana naman maayos ko ang lahat at makatulog na naman ako.

Still Drunk

2005-07-24T01:56:00.000+08:00

it's two o' clock in the morning and i just got home. this is the first time that i will be trying to write an entry while i'm drunk. you would just have to imagine how much time it took for me to type up that last sentence since you won't be able to see me squinting at the screen right now... trying to keep my eyes open enough for me to see the words i put out onto the screen. also, deleting every other letter since i push an excessive amount of keys at my current state.

i missed hanging out with my boys. there were only four of us there when i left a few minutes earlier- john, pea, jopet, and i. i didn't get roaring drunk but it was enough for me to feel a numbness in my legs. good thing my mom did not open the door for me... i wouldn't have heard the last of it since this would be the first time she'd catch me like this.

there's really no reason for writing this entry... i'm just trying to figure out how i sound like when i've had a few shots under my belt... so far, so good. no bitter references to a certain ex nor unnecessary rants towards non-existing characters....

pucha nahihirapan na ako!!!!!!!!! matutulog na ako... siet.

Magpapaalam na Sa'yo Ang Aking Kwarto*

2005-07-22T14:58:00.000+08:00

madaling araw na, kakauwi pa lang natin, at kasalukuyan mong pinanonood ang ginagawa kong pagbukas sa aking kwarto. tinanggal mo ang sapatos mo, itinabi, at sinundan mo ko papasok.

natawa ka pa nga ng kaunti... tumambad kasi sa'yo ang sabog na estado ng kwarto ko.
pinagalitan mo pa ako dahil sa tanda kong ito, hindi pa rin ako marunong magligpit. iniwan muna kita saglit habang inaayos ko naman ang ipinunta mo roon.

nang tatawagin na kita, natigilan ako. nakatayo ka pa rin malapit sa kama ko, kahit na inayos ko na ang isang bahagi ng kama para makaupo ka. hinihimas mo ang laruan na nasa ulunan, nakilala mo pala. lumingon ka at nakita mo akong nakatingin sa'yo. nakangiti mong sinabi,

"tagal ko na palang hindi pumupunta dito, ano? naaalala ko tuloy 'yung dati 'pag dito lang tayo nakatambay..."

iniisip mo pala iyon. naupo ka sa kama, kinuha ang isang unan, at niyakap ito. kahit pala palitan ko ng pillowcase iyon, alam mo pa rin. siguro halata na laspag na siya dahil lagi ko siyang niyayakap, kaya mo siguro nakilala.

tumabi ako sa'yo at nahiga tayo. napaisip din tuloy ako. paano nga ba tayo noon? ano nga ba ginagawa natin dito? naaalala ko na... pero parang iba na sa pagkakaalala ko noon.

ilang araw ang lumipas, ginugulo pa rin ako ng mga tanong. at sa paggising ko isang araw, nalaman ko ang sagot.

hindi ko na maalala 'yung nararamdaman ko noon kapag kasama kita.

matapos ang mahabang panahon, nakalimot na nga ako.

hindi ko lang inaasahan na malungkot din pala ang mag-move on.

* si ces kasi, nag-quote ng "kwarto..." hehe.

Good Things Happen When You Cut H.E.

2005-07-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

monday night, late na akong nakauwi from a catering gig- nalipasan na ng gutom, sumasakit ang paa, at bangag to the max. pag-uwi ko ay kailangan ko pang ayusin ang dumpsite na aking kwarto dahil kung hindi ay mahihiga ako sa tambak na damit, libro, gamit, at kung anu-ano pa sa aking kama.

tapos papasok pa ng 10 am the next morning. PE pa. i enjoy the class pero wala ako sa kundisyon para mag-pick up ng dance steps, lalo na 'yung may pa-hop hop pa! imagine nalang 'yung hitsura nun... mukha siguro akong adik. ang laki ko pa, sumasabit pa ung heels ko sa cracks sa tiles ng vanguard, at masakit pa likod ko (nirarayuma na rin ba ako tulad ni binay?!)

after that, naglunch ako sa tambayan... tapos sinabi sakin ni mayor na pinanood nilang mag-taekwondo moves si korean champ... and that i missed half of my life. shucks talaga... consuelo de bobo man lang for a crappy morning... and an afternoon that's stinking up pretty quickly.

pagkatapos nun, lumabas ng class si girlfriend at may ipinamalita. haha. nadismaya naman ako. ewan ko kung bakit. kaadikan na rin siguro ng araw na 'yun kaya ganun. nag-aya tuloy ng session sina aissa pero naalala ko, mga boys din nag-aya ng session nung monday.

at dahil na-sad nga ako, madali akong na-BI na mag-cut ng HE!! hahahaha.
quiet lang sa unang location, hanggang mag-lunch. tapos nagpaikot-ikot na kami...
ayan.

kulitan na ulit...
tapos biglang....
ngyahahahahahaha!!!

malalaglag na yata ako sa escalator sa ginagawa sakin ni ces.

tuloy-tuloy pa mag-babble. natotorete na yata lahat ng tao sa mall sa pagsasalita nya. naalog na rin ang utak ko sa kakaalog nya.

biglang hindi na namin kinailangan ng kape dahil sa sobrang energy.

haha. nakakatawa lang.

rollercoaster of emotions the whole day.

wala siyang kwenta. alam ko. hehe.

Wala Lang

2005-07-12T18:53:00.000+08:00

that's the title of the book i was browsing through earlier. i was wandering aimlessly around the mall, whiling away my 3-hour wait. after eating lunch by my lonesome (pathetic), i marched on to the bookstore to hide from the rest of coupledom, save myself from further humiliation, and to check out the new chick lit selections that i will not be able to buy for myself... well at least for the next four months while we're doing our feasib. nothing really grabbed my attention there so i went to the rack behind it, the one that housed local books (bob ong, jessica zafra to f. sionil jose). and this is where i found... wala lang.

it was a lot like bob ong's "abnkkbsnplako" but it wasn't really a laugh-a-minute. there were parts that cracked me up, and then there were entries that were very sentimental. parang blog.

then i read the blurb at the back of the book, the entries were from an online journal the writer (bud thomas) kept before. i enjoyed reading it so much because he was just reminiscing his life as a child, as a student, as a young adult. some of his stories made me think of my own stories, my friends' stories. like the tricks they played on the teachers. the way they defied authority, how he coped with school. how friendships formed. how he went into the adult world. it was fun reading it because someone my age could relate to it. well... he is a lot older now, but what he had there was pretty much universal. hindi po ako pro book critic pero nagustuhan ko siya...

and i found this quote that he excerpted from somewhere else, it captured the essence of blogging... and my other favorite thing to do... dwelling on nothingness (hehe):

"if you can't impress them with ability, dazzle them with bullshit!"

hahahaha!!

it's not a thick book so it's not tiring to read, large fonts din. just as big as the jessica zafra books, a bit thinner maybe, but when i looked at the tag, my jaw dropped.

360 pesos!!!!

that's the same as some of the imported chick books!!!

(now you know what to get me.... heehee c",)

aiun lang... my sister jeni practically has me in a strangle hold... she'll be blaming me for the break up of her "thang" for the rest of my life if i don't get off the net now.

Birthday Hula

2005-05-27T13:48:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: January 11

Your birth on the 11th day of the month makes you something of a dreamer and an idealist.

You work well with people because you know how to use persuasion rather than force.

There is a strong spiritual side to your nature, and you may have intuitive qualities inherent in your make up, too.

You are very aware and sensitive, though often temperamental.

Although you have a good mind and you are very analytical, you may not be comfortable in the business world.

You are definitely creative and this influence tends to make you more of a dreamer than a doer.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Relapse

2005-05-16T19:07:00.000+08:00

isang text lang kanina, napangiti na ako. kainis. kung kailan naman nawawala ka na sa sistema ko saka ka nagbabalik. kadiri na nga raw kasi humahangos pa ako para lang makita ka. waaah. nakakabaliw ka. kung anu-ano ang napapagawa mo sa akin. napapaasa ako na may mga magandang bagay pang nag-aantay para sa atin. aiup.

di mo lang alam sayang ang pamasahe.

and for your information, ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit amoy araw ang buhok ko. adik!

'Di Na Ko Sinisipon

2005-05-13T20:30:00.000+08:00

sinisipon ako kapag summer. every summer. regular na kagaguhan ng katawan ko 'to. feeling ko talaga nun ang pathetic kong tignan. tirik na tirik ang araw, sobrang init, usung-uso ang mga malalamig na pagkain at inumin, maya't maya may mag-aayang mag-swimming, pero lahat ng 'yan hindi puwede. sa loob ng bag ko tuwing papasok ako ay dalawang packs ng kleenex, isang banig ng no-drowse decolgen, isang boteng tubig na maligamgam (yuck), at plastic bags na panlalagyan ng "deposits" kapag wala akong makitang basurahan.

hindi tama ang magkaroon ng ganung sakit sa ganung panahon. fluke lang s'ya talaga ng sistema ko. ginugulo lang n'ya ang buhay ko, pinahihirapan akong pumasok sa class, mag-recite at sumagot ng exam na nakayuko (at jusko baka tumulo sa blue book ang uhog ko), pero hindi ko siya maalis. palagi siyang dumadating. kahit anong gawin kong pag-iingat para makaiwas. natutunan ko na rin siyang tanggapin sa buhay ko.

pero ngayon... second week na ng may pero wala pa ring sipon na dumadating. hindi ko na nararamdaman na magkakasakit ako. matatapos na ang summer at ang nag-iisang regular na nangyayari sa buhay ko (aside sa... ehem) ay hindi man lang nagparamdam. samantalang nung nakaraang taon, para kong gripo. nung pumasok pa kami sa chapel noon, imbes na magdasal ako, hindi ko maidahop ang palad ko dahil hawak-hawak ko ang isang pirasong tissue.

nakalagpas na yata ako sa phase na ito. hindi pala ito kasing-regular ng iniisip ko. katulad ng ibang mga bagay, kalaunan ay makakamtan ko rin ang pagbabago... o sa pagkakataong ito... ang kalayaan.

friday the thirteenth pala ngayon. ingat kayo ha.

Ako ang BANAL NA PUWET

2005-05-04T16:11:00.000+08:00

I am 57% Asshole/Bitch.

I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Take the
Asshole/Bitch Test
@ FualiDotCom

hehehe! natawa ako sa term.... ASSHOLY!!!!! hahahaha!!!! isa akong BANAL NA PUWET!!!!hindi ba dapat assholey? asshole like? wala akong maisulat na matino ngayon eh... ayan na lang. tarantado daw ako. hehehe.

Anong Sabi Mo?!

2005-04-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

naranasan mo na ba 'yung pakiramdam na parang may narinig ka pero wala namang indikasyon na sinabi sa'yo iyon? 'yung alam mong may sinabi nga siya pero hindi mo naman sigurado kung tama ang rinig mo. hindi naman kasi biglang tumitigil 'yung pag-uusap niyo. parang imahinasyon mo lang. sobrang hina kasi. baka nga dighay lang 'yun.

ang masama pa, hindi mo maitanong. hindi mo maipaulit. baka kasi sabihin niya feeling ka. kasi 'yung akala mong narinig mo, mga salitang magpapasaya sa'yo... mga salitang matagal mo nang inaasam na sabihin niya.

Nung Minsang Kami ay Mag-3 o' Clock Habit

2005-04-11T17:00:00.000+08:00

nagising siya sa pag-vibrate ng telepono niya malapit sa kanyang ulo. tinignan niya ang kanyang relo. alas-tres ng umaga. mas maaga siya ngayon kaysa nung mga nakaraang pagtawag niya. isang oras pa lamang ang itinutulog niya pero okay lang. sanay na siya sa pagtawag niya sa madaling araw. ito nga madalas ang dahilan ng pagkabangag niya kinabukasan pero ayos lang, ganitong oras lang kasi siya maaring tawagan. at alam naman niyang hindi siya mababagot sa pag-uusap nila. agad niyang sinagot ang telepono.

katulad ng dati, tinanong muna siya kung nakatulog na ba ito. nagkamustahan. maya-maya ay natahimik silang konti. hindi niya kasi inaasahan ang pagtawag niya. hindi niya alam ang sasabihin. nang magtatanong na siya ay bigla itong natigilan... nag-uumpisa na ang kanyang litanya.

masama kasi ang loob niya kaya siya tumawag. nakainom pa ito. hindi na niya mapigil ang pagsambit nito ng galit niya... sa mga kaibigan niya, sa pamilya, sa situwasyon niya ngayon. nakatitig lamang siya sa kisame habang ibinabato niya sa kanya ang lahat ng gumugulo sa isipan niya. may mga pagkakataong magsasalita siya, susubukang aluhin siya. may mga pagkakataon namang mapapatahimik niya ito, pero may panahon din namang ayaw niyang magpaamo. gusto niya kasing ipaintindi sa kanya ang lahat ayon sa pagkakaalam niya. pero kahit ganoon, hindi pa rin siya tumitigil. ang gusto lang naman ay maihinga niya sa kanya lahat ng problema niya. iparamdam sa kanya na mayroon pa rin siyang kakampi.

matapos ang halos tatlong oras na "pagsusumbong" medyo umayos na rin ang lagay niya. hindi na siya masyadong galit. pumayag na rin ito sa ibinigay na payo sa kanya. tumahimik ulit ang linya. napangiti siya. siya naman ang magkukuwento. madami rin kasing nangyari sa kanya mula ng huli silang mag-usap. siguradong makakalimutan niya panandalian ang mga hinanakit niya sa mga masasaya niyang kuwento.

pero hindi na siya binigyan nito ng pagkakataon. nagpasalamat na ito sa kanya. siya lang naman kasi ang napagsasabihan niya ng lahat ng mga ito.

at ibinaba na niya ang telepono.

sandali siyang napatanga. iyon lang pala ang dahilan. kinailangan lang niya ng karamay. oo nga pala, wala kasi dito ang kabarkada niya. napabuntong hininga siya. buong akala niya kasi ay hindi na ulit mangyayari ang ganoon. pinikit niya ang kanyang mga mata, umaasang aanurin ng antok ang kalungkutang nanganganib na dumaloy sa kanyang mga pisngi.

huli na ang lahat. naisip niya, hindi nga talaga dapat siya umaasa.

It's Good to be Bad

2005-04-06T19:14:00.000+08:00

last weekend na siguro ang pinakabaliw na sem-ender na na-experience ko. hindi lang naman dahil sa dami ng alcohol na nilaklak namin, kundi dahil na rin sa mga pangyayari ng gabing iyon na nagpaisip sa akin ng konti.

at dahil napag-isip ako, ito na ang wish nila xenia (opo, update na ito).

madami kasi sa mga kaibigan ko noon ang nagsabing nagbago na nga ako. malayo na raw sa batang nakilala nila noon na wala pang kamuwang-muwang. ibang-iba na sa nakagisnan naming "lifestyle" nung mga panahong iyon. madami pa rin kasi sa kanila ang hindi nagbago, isa lang ako sa ilang tumiwalag sa stereotypes na kahit anong pilit naming itanggi ay nabubuhay pa rin sa mundo namin.

oo nagbago nga ako, pero hindi naman ganoon kalaki. sabihin n'yo nang defensive ako pero hindi talaga. noon pa man ay ganito na ako, at alam nila iyan. hindi lang kasi gaanong nakikita kasi palagi akong nasa isang grupo, o isang relasyon (depende kung anong era ang pinag-uusapan Ü) at meron silang mga "expectations" kung paano ako kikilos, kung anong sasabihin ko, anong gagawin ko, anong hitsura ko, o anong magugustuhan ko. noon pa man, hindi na naman ako masyadong sumusunod dito, pero ingat ako na huwag magkamali, at baka mahusgahan ako at maging outcast for the rest of my adolescent existence. nang makaalis ako doon, naramdaman kong malaya na ako, malayo na sa mundong kinagagalawan ko noon at may bago nang yugto. mahal ko naman ang mga taong nakasalamuha ko doon, at hindi ko ikinakaila ang pagiging tulad din nila nung mga panahon na iyon (dahil naging masaya rin naman ako), pero mas malakas na ngayon ang pagnanais ko na maging ako. wala na kasing image na iisipin. makakapagsabi na ako ng kahit anong maisip ko. maari nang gawin ang mga bagay na noon ay itinatanggi kong ginagawa ko. ngayon, wala na akong iniisip na huhusga sa akin, o ikukumpara sa ibang taong nakakasalamuha ko.

bakit ko naisip itong bigla?

nakita ko kasi kung paano nagpakawala ang ilan sa mga kakilala ko last weekend. parang napakatagal na nilang nagpipigil, nagtatago. nakakatakot nga lang, kasi nang makawala na sila, hindi na sila mapigilan. sumobra naman yata. kilala ko ang mga taong ito at kahit papaano ay alam ko ang mga kuwento nila. mababait. matatalino.hindi makabasag pinggan...

haayy... talaga nga namang it's good to be bad.

*in memory of the 2005 semender specials

no offense sa mga batang nalango nang gabing iyon... alam n'yo na sana iyan (lalo na si kabiit). DB's alam ko naintindihan nyo ito... kahet konti. hehe

Mission Impossible

2005-03-28T20:55:00.000+08:00

naranasan mo na ba ang relasyong "mission impossible?" alam mo na, iyong parang secret operation ang lahat ng pagkikita niyo, secret codes ang pag-uusap, at ni pangalan niya ay hindi mo puwedeng banggitin kasi baka kayo patayin ng mga Hapon?

may kaibigan ako na ganito makipag-usap noon sa cellphone:

"hello. yeah. 30 minutes. nope. ok. bye."

napaka-abrupt. napapataas na lang kami ng kilay. matapos ng ilang minuto ay aalis na siya, humahangos. tila may hinahabol. sabi niya ay pupunta raw siya sa tita niya. maya-maya ay nakita namin siyang sumakay sa kanto, sinundo ng isang kotse. may boylet nga siya. itinatago pa sa amin. kung bakit ay hindi ko pa rin alam hanggang ngayon. kalahating taon na ay hindi pa rin namin nakikilala ang lalake niya.

meron din naman akong kaibigang lalake na ayaw ipabasa sa amin ang cellphone n'ya. kahit kung makiki-text kami, kailangan siya ang mag-type. paranoid. weird. nang minsang malasing siya, naagaw namin ang cellphone niya. at doon na namin nakita. puro [.....] ang sender. puro sweet messages. muntik na akong masuka dahil sa kakornihang ito. ang pinakabrusko sa mga kabarkada ko, napaamo ng isang babaeng hindi man lang namin alam ang hitsura.

natatawa na lang ako sa mga ginagawa nila... para kasing ang hirap para sa kanila ang sabihing may ka-relasyon na sila. para kasing madaming dapat katakutan. eh bakit pa sila pumasok sa ganun kung hindi rin lang naman nila kayang ilantad?

na-karma yata ako.

katulad nila, ako naman ang nagkukubli sa garahe, nagtatago ng text, nagsisinungaling.

para sa isang taong sigurado akong hindi ko makakatuluyan.

alam ko na ngayon ang mga rason nila.

ok lang, masaya naman ang "mission impossible." kahit sandali lang.

* aiup shang kasama. sana... magkita kami ulit.

10 Utos ng Mang-iinum

2005-03-27T17:13:00.000+08:00

1. hwag pasaway pag umiinum

2. hwag inum lang ng inum... bumili ka naman

3. hwag matakaw sa pulutan

4. hwag magtagal ang baso sayo may iba pang tatagay

5. Uminom ng diretso s tiyan wag sa ulo

6. magpaalam pag uuwi na hinde yung bigla bigla nwwla

7. siguraduhin sa haus ang uwi hindi kung saan

8. hwag matutulog habang umiinum

9. magtira ng panlakad kahit hinlalaki ng paa

10. hwag mananakit ng sino man asawa o gf pag nakakainum pwera na lang pag sinabing "putang ina mo! sige maglasing ka pa!"

* para sa mga "shang kids"
uhh... nde ata naten nasunod ang mga ito. wahahahaha!

Happy Easter

2005-03-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

tatlong araw ang winaldas ko kakatitig sa mga papel na nakakalat sa sahig ng kwarto ko. cases. assignments. problem sets. listahan ng grocery. haay... sino ba kasi ang nagsabi na isasara lahat ng mga negosyo kapag Mahal na Araw? dito lang naman sa Pilipinas ginagawa ito.

mas hindi ako makapag-trabaho kung hindi ako nginangarag. walang pressure. pagkatapos ng halos isang buwan na wala akong matinong tulog, bigla na lang napirmi ako dito sa bahay at wala nang ibang ginagawa. para akong nilubog sa nagyeyelong tubig. nakakatawa. nadidistract ako sa kawalan. adik na nga yata akong tunay.

pakingsiet. kahit anong distraction... welcome. basta. sirain n'yo lang ulit ang ulo ko!!!!!

argh!

oo nga pala, HAPPY EASTER.

Fling

2005-03-25T18:50:00.000+08:00

i just could not believe what he was saying. he told me that i do not know how to flirt. moreover, he told me that i was not capable of having a fling with a guy. he was such a chauvinistic pig i almost scratched his eyes out. yes, i am a girl. it is not a big deal now for someone with boobs to play the field. he had such a medieval idea of guys and girls it makes me sick.

then he told me that i did not have the heart to do such things. i didn't know if i was going to be touched at what he said or totally pissed. i had no idea if it was a compliment. he would not explain it to me further. then he told me i was not headstrong. that got me riled up a little. i know i was acting childish, insisting on being able to do something that i have never really had much experience with. but this was my strength we were talking about. i started to feel berated.

then realization set in.

could he be...? no that is quite impossible.

i realized that he was not making any reference to our relationship... or whatever it is that we have right now.

maybe he really is...

because i suddenly realized that what we have is an affair of some sort. i can't find a word to better define our stand than a fling. i am flirting with him and him with me.

i just can't believe it...

that last thought has left me smiling.

Wala Nang Mas Lulungkot Pa

2005-03-24T01:14:00.000+08:00

Broken Sonnet
[Hale]

And now I concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And now I will, repeat in this fourth line
That I love you, I love you.

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

'Cause tonight
I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight
I'll be right at your side.

The clock on the TV says 8:39 PM
It's the same, it's the same
And in this next line
I'll say it all over again
That I love you, I love you.

I don't care what they say
I don't care what they do

'Cause tonight
I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight I'll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

I'll leave my fears behind
'Cause tonight
I'll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And I will never let go
Will never let go.

But still I see the tears from your eyes
Maybe I'm just not the one for you.

naaalala ko itong situwasyon natin ngayon sa kantang 'yan. hindi naman talaga tayo dapat ganito... hindi naman talaga tayo ang dapat na nagdadamayan... mali ang relasyong ito. isang ilusyon. pero wala tayong pakialam. ayaw kong mawala ka sa akin... at sana totoo ngang ayaw mo rin akong malayo sa iyo.

Rant Para Sa Isang Batang Nawawala

2005-03-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

tapos na nga ba ang kalokohan nating ito?

o na-sesense mo lang na marami akong ginagawa sa buhay ko?

baka naman tinatarantado mo 'ko ulit...

pucha, anhirap mo namang hulaan.

nakakairita

kung kailan pa kasi kailangan ko ng isang taong sigurado akong masasandalan ko...
saka ka naman naglalaho.

tanginah.

[nung mga panahong abot baba na ang eyebags ko... pero nawawala ka pa rin. hay. tae ka.]

Surprisingly Sober

2005-02-07T22:13:00.000+08:00

the dawn is breaking but we are still up, sitting side by side on the blanket i have laid out in the backyard with a bottle of beer each in our hands. all the other friends we were with are now either home or passed out on my couch in the living room. we're both feeling the buzz from the alcohol but we're still standing. we find this as an opportunity to spend some quality time together, without trying to look nonchalant in front of our friends and dodging raised eyebrows and whispered comments everytime our fingertips even attempt to graze against each other. as i lay my head against your chest, your arms tightly wrapped around me, a sudden jolt of sobriety shot through my brain and thought after thought coursed through my dazed mind.

what we have now, however complicated and demented the situation may be, is the best relationship we've ever had. i really don't want to get back together with you right now, i think it will just kill the good chemistry we've been having recently. we've lasted longer than the year that we have been dating. we have yet to get into a disagreement. we're finally seeing each other in a different light. and for the first time in years, we actually found something that we agreed on. you have been treating me in the sweetest way since we have started this and that alone is reason enough to keep on going like this behind their back.

i don't want people to know we're seeing each other on the sly. i think the reason for things going sour is when the people around us get to meddle with our affairs. i don't want them poking their judgemental noses into our unusual arrangement. another thing is that the commitment pressures us into doing somethings we do not want to do. i, myself, do not want to tie myself down at such an early age to a relationship that does not have any certainty. our set up right now is very casual, no cloying feeling and the paranoia of you seeping through every bone in my body. we both have separate lives but come as one when we hang out. the best thing for me right now, definitely.

so, as we cuddle against the gritty morning air, i was surprisingly sober. the random thoughts that rattled around in my dazed head made some sort of sense. no amount of alcohol could blur what i think of us... and what i should do. it may sound utterly ammoral, rude, selfish, bitchy... but i don't care.

i only sober up once. this time, i'm going with what i know will make me happy... heed no mind to formalities and all that shit. all that matters is me... and him.

thanks... it was the birst birthday i ever had...

The Sun Phenomenon

2004-11-28T19:23:00.000+08:00

my high school friends and i have all gone our separate ways. a huge bulk of them had gone off to school in the manila area, a few of us pepper the quezon city schools and there are still some in the few colleges in makati. there are also those who have left the country to pursue their studies abroad... needless to say we are currently living lives that are very much different from all the other's.

we have grown up, met new friends, learned things we all wished we learned when we were sixteen. we broke hearts and had our hearts broken countless times. we joined organizations, earned honors and flunked subjects. don't turn on the waterworks just yet... i am just elaborating on how much we've already done in the three years since we left the hallowed halls of our high school alma mater.

all this, along with the fact that we rarely see each other has made those three years seem even longer than it really is. yes, i still keep in touch with my high school friends, i still go out with them for the occasional beer chugging sessions, but it's always the same people... or rather the people you find out you could always hang out with sans all the dramatics (i learned that you unveil your true friends after all the raging hormones have subsided, but that's another topic). how about the other people you used to go to class with? the people who pissed you off the most? the guys (or girls, whichever applies) whom you used to drool over? do they just die after you've received the diploma?

the answer... no. but there is nothing we can do about it. it's hard to keep track of people once you leave the old routine. we may still live in the same area but we are more diverse now... as if we weren't different enough in high school. aside from personality differences, time is a very limiting factor. there could only be so many hours a day... how can you find the time to socialize when you still have papers, chores, exams to accomplish?

but the most pressing concern is finance. it takes money to keep in touch with people. phone calls are too old-fashioned and time consuming for this generation. not everyone has an email... but everybody has a cellphone nowadays... although calls and SMS messaging cost probably heaps more than calling the land line phones.... until recently.

it seems that all it takes is a telecommunications company's well thought-out promotions plan to provide us with the means to keep in touch.

Tago

2004-11-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

kanina lang nakita kita... sandali lang iyon. paano ba naman kasi, nang makita mo ako bigla ka na lang tumalikod at kumaripas ng takbo... palayo sa akin. alam ko namang nakita mo ako dahil tinignan mo pa nga ako sa mata. pero bago ko pa man makilala na ikaw na pala ang nakatayo sa harap ko, nakaalis ka na- tila hindi makapaghintay na makawala sa aking paningin.

ano ba ang nagawa ko sa iyo para taguan mo ako ng ganito? hindi naman kita pinepeste sa pagpipilit na magkaroon na tayo ng totoong relasyon- sa totoo lang, hindi nga sumagi sa utak ko iyan hanggang ngayon. hindi naman ako nanghihingi ng panahon mula sa iyo, hindi naman ako buntis at lalo nang hindi naman ako kineketong para iwasan nang ganiyan! alam ko namang wala akong habol sa iyo kahit anong mangyari pero bakit ba natatakot ka na magkita tayo sa labas ng mga pagkikita natin ilang hapon sa isang buwan upang magkasama at magpainit ng iyong kama?

hindi naman kita hahalikan. hindi naman kita yayakapin. hindi ko ibubuko sa kaniya na nagkikita pa tayo. hindi ko pinapaalam sa mga kakilala natin na nag-uusap pa tayo... ano ba talaga ang kinakatakutan mo? o di kaya'y ginugulo ka na ng konsensya mo dahil sa kabalbalang ginagawa mo sa dalawang babaeng sa totoong buhay lang ay hindi nararapat sa iyo?

ewan ko nga ba kung bakit pa ako naririto at pilit ko pang iniintindi kung ano ba ang nasa loob ng isipan mo. hindi na naman ako parte ng regular na buhay mo at hindi ka na rin naman parte ng buhay ko. noong ikaw ay bahagi pa ng araw-araw kong pamumuhay wala ka namang nadala kung hindi puro luha at sakit. ngayong ganito na tayo... bukod sa mga yakap, haplos at halik na pinagsasaluhan natin sa tuwing tayo'y tumatakas mula sa realidad na kinagisnan natin, wala kang naibibigay sa akin. dahil nga hindi ka na importante sa aking tunay na kuwento. wala ka nang halaga.

kaya huwag mo akong ituring na isang sakit na kailangan mong iwasan o isang bangungot kung saan kailangan mong magising... dahil hindi naman ako totoo sa iyo... parte lang ako ng iyong imahinasyon... hindi ako nanggugulo sa buhay mo kundi isa lamang sa mga gawa-gawa ng iyong utak para panandaliang makalimot at makatikim ng sensual na kaligayahan... huwag mo akong pagtuunan ng di na kinakailangang pansin dahil mabubuhay ka ng tahimik kahit na pareho tayo ng mundong ginagalawan...

...kahit na mas mapapabuti ako kung makakaalis na sa mundo mo.

Bitter

2004-10-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

i'm not bitter. no kidding. i'm surrounded by happy couples and i'm happy for them. i like the idea of people hooking up almost everywhere- the bar, the gym, the mall, even in the library! i do think about happily ever after every once in a while but i just can't help but think that it's just not for me... or it just doesn't seem to happen to me.

a group of us went to stay at a friend's place for a weekend and her boyfriend caught up with us in the afternoon. they must've thought i'm crazy because i can't seem to look at him or my friend directly for the rest of our stay. i bet one of them were thinking that i like the guy... when in fact they couldn't be more wrong. this is the first time i will be putting these feelings out there and the first instance that my shield will show a chip.

i can't look at happy couples because i remember my past. it's really depressing for me to see them so sweet and close and be reminded that i do not have that anymore. memories gush out my emotional floodgate and i can't seem to stop it. reminiscing the times when it was still good would be just plain suicide for me- like stabbing myself in the gut fifty times. steady pain and slow death. don't get me wrong, i HAVE moved on, but a part of me still longs for the moments that were just pure bliss... when i felt so loved... when someone was there to make everything right for me... now i'm crying. the pain? well, i can literally feel it. worse than the time that he and i had to part ways... i can physically feel my heart being gripped between a vise and given a sharp squeeze. the sayings lied- time does not heal all wounds... it just grows a scab that would sting more when i peel it off, a new fresh wound.

what did i get out of writing this down? nothing. i'm just venting. what i wouldn't do just to get selective memory loss... it's not the memory of the awful break up that makes me want to crawl into a ball and pity myself. that i'm over with. this is the first time i have thought about it in ages...

you want to know what hurts the most?

remembering...

that eventhough he and i did not work out really well...
and that he was a total jerk about it...

the relationship was good (even more) while it lasted.

and he was probably the best i'll ever have... no matter what people say about him.

The Return of the Ex

2004-10-06T20:19:00.000+08:00

i was thrilled when i heard from you again. it's been half a year since that night when you told me that everything we had between us was over. you never apologized for doing it. never explained how you came to that decision. then suddenly, i wake up to see your number on my phone and two messages:

"i'm sorry. i regret saying those things to you. i just want things back the way they were."

"i hope you understand. it's not my intention to hurt you. please forgive me. i can't bear the thought of you being angry with me."

i was shocked. i was already late for class that morning and the messages you sent in the middle of the night rattled my brains more. i was torn between elation and doubt. i was happy at the thought of you being concerned about my feelings and how i felt towards you. finally, you proved that you weren't as dense as i thought you were and apologized without being told to do so. but then again, i can't help but think that you have ulterior motives in seeking my forgiveness. are you flunking half your courses again and would need me to write your papers? did you just break up with your girlfriend and you're coming after me as a rebound? or is it just you miss the sex and want to revive the fling that lasted even longer than our relationship?

i guess i'll never know. you never were the type of guy who would just come out and say it. you liked controlling the situation. everything has to work out in your favor, it has always been like this even before all the drama started. it's a sick, twisted game you play and i seem to be your favorite playmate. i always get myself entangled in your web and still i stay. like i haven't learned my lesson.

it's not that i do not want to be rid of you once and for all, it's just that i can't. one of my friends told me that it was because we had already shared something intimate. she was wrong. it was more than the screwing, not that i wouldn't miss THAT, but it's because you have been a part of my life. we saw each other through adolescence and look at us now, we've become intense yet young adults. you took up quite a chunk of my time and losing you so suddenly, even if it was just for half a year, has left me with an empty gap that i could not fill. i missed the easy banter we exchange over the phone, the times when we would just hang out and fill ourselves with junkfood and soda. i miss the late nights when we would have a bottle of beer each and wax philosophical thoughts until the sun comes out. i long for the times when you would just pop by the house when i'm sick and watch videos with me until i fall asleep.

losing you meant more than losing the man i love... it meant i was losing my only bestfriend, the dearest person that i have trusted with all my life.

nobody really understood what i felt. they called me stupid for letting you in my life after every wrong you did to me. but they don't know what you and i have been through. we never really were a typical teenage couple, we took things really seriously, even early on. they would not see us beyond the physical intimacy we had... they missed the fact that you and i have dealt with issues and situations that regular teenage couples have never even knew existed. and that we survived it all on our own.

i believe that every person is entitled to a chance to go utterly unreasonable for someone they love. i guess you are that person. you are the one who is worthy enough to cause my insanity. and with having said my piece, the cycle continues, vicious and quite hurtful, until we both find the courage to finally live without having each other to escape to.

[the day after]