the dawn is breaking but we are still up, sitting side by side on the blanket i have laid out in the backyard with a bottle of beer each in our hands. all the other friends we were with are now either home or passed out on my couch in the living room. we're both feeling the buzz from the alcohol but we're still standing. we find this as an opportunity to spend some quality time together, without trying to look nonchalant in front of our friends and dodging raised eyebrows and whispered comments everytime our fingertips even attempt to graze against each other. as i lay my head against your chest, your arms tightly wrapped around me, a sudden jolt of sobriety shot through my brain and thought after thought coursed through my dazed mind.
what we have now, however complicated and demented the situation may be, is the best relationship we've ever had. i really don't want to get back together with you right now, i think it will just kill the good chemistry we've been having recently. we've lasted longer than the year that we have been dating. we have yet to get into a disagreement. we're finally seeing each other in a different light. and for the first time in years, we actually found something that we agreed on. you have been treating me in the sweetest way since we have started this and that alone is reason enough to keep on going like this behind their back.
i don't want people to know we're seeing each other on the sly. i think the reason for things going sour is when the people around us get to meddle with our affairs. i don't want them poking their judgemental noses into our unusual arrangement. another thing is that the commitment pressures us into doing somethings we do not want to do. i, myself, do not want to tie myself down at such an early age to a relationship that does not have any certainty. our set up right now is very casual, no cloying feeling and the paranoia of you seeping through every bone in my body. we both have separate lives but come as one when we hang out. the best thing for me right now, definitely.
so, as we cuddle against the gritty morning air, i was surprisingly sober. the random thoughts that rattled around in my dazed head made some sort of sense. no amount of alcohol could blur what i think of us... and what i should do. it may sound utterly ammoral, rude, selfish, bitchy... but i don't care.
i only sober up once. this time, i'm going with what i know will make me happy... heed no mind to formalities and all that shit. all that matters is me... and him.
what we have now, however complicated and demented the situation may be, is the best relationship we've ever had. i really don't want to get back together with you right now, i think it will just kill the good chemistry we've been having recently. we've lasted longer than the year that we have been dating. we have yet to get into a disagreement. we're finally seeing each other in a different light. and for the first time in years, we actually found something that we agreed on. you have been treating me in the sweetest way since we have started this and that alone is reason enough to keep on going like this behind their back.
i don't want people to know we're seeing each other on the sly. i think the reason for things going sour is when the people around us get to meddle with our affairs. i don't want them poking their judgemental noses into our unusual arrangement. another thing is that the commitment pressures us into doing somethings we do not want to do. i, myself, do not want to tie myself down at such an early age to a relationship that does not have any certainty. our set up right now is very casual, no cloying feeling and the paranoia of you seeping through every bone in my body. we both have separate lives but come as one when we hang out. the best thing for me right now, definitely.
so, as we cuddle against the gritty morning air, i was surprisingly sober. the random thoughts that rattled around in my dazed head made some sort of sense. no amount of alcohol could blur what i think of us... and what i should do. it may sound utterly ammoral, rude, selfish, bitchy... but i don't care.
i only sober up once. this time, i'm going with what i know will make me happy... heed no mind to formalities and all that shit. all that matters is me... and him.
thanks... it was the birst birthday i ever had...
No comments:
Post a Comment