by now, everybody knows the events that had transpired in ayala these past few days... i don't really want to get into the grit of it because it makes me shiver just thinking about it, and because of the fact that everybody's talking about it, probably sensationalizing it.

the truth is, i wasn't there when friday happened. i was with ces. she picked me up and i rode with her to work. which is weird, because we've been on the same shift for the past few days and it was only then that i remembered to message her. then we got stuck in traffic. nothing major, just your usual friday afternoon smattering of vehicles on edsa. we got to ayala ten minutes later than usual. we saw all the commotion, not really knowing what happened until i had to call the office because i was too scared to cross the street and brave opposing the tide of people coming at me.

if we came on time, i would have gone inside the mall to buy something to eat.

ces would go drive around the back of the mall to get to work.

both did not happen because we were stuck in traffic for just ten minutes.

my point is, it's good to know that Someone's looking out for us and that i'm happy to be alive right now. that last entry would be the end of my "can i just die" series. for surely, what i may be going through could not be any worse than that day.

------------

now for something i absolutely love...

he stands alone

this is university avenue back in the 50's. notice that a certain landmark is missing beyond these vast, open spaces. if i remember correctly, the oblation symbolizes sacrificial offering of one's self to the country, or something along that line. back then, he stood alone. parang iniwan siya sa gitna ng kaparangan para mabulok na lang. and now, over fifty years after, up has grown to house many who live by what this lone monument symbolizes... and then some. ehehe. ngayon siguro sinasabi na ni oble, "nakikita mo ba 'yan lahat? this is all mine." anggaleng. well, that is kung nagsasalita man ang monumentong ito, which would be creepy if you ask me. hehe. i've never had more pride for my alma mater than when i found this pic. love it!

Untitled.

i found this one on friendster. a friend had reposted it. we don't really know who wrote it (so you can stop speculating that i did this one. hehe). let's just say it got to me a tiny bit. Ü

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Meantime Girl

She's the one you call when you're bored because she makes you laugh.

She's the one you talk to when you're feeling down because she's willing to lend an ear and be a friend.

She's the one you spend time with between girlfriends, before you find "The One". You know, the one who you keep around in the meantime.

She 's not one of the guys, not a tomboy, but you don't look at her as a "real" woman, either. She's not bitchy enough, moody enough, or sexy enough to be seen in that light.

She's too understanding, too comfortable. She doesn't make you feel nervous or excited the way a "real" woman does.

But she's cool, and nice, and funny, and attractive enough that when you're lonely or horny and need intimate female companionship, she'll do just fine. You don't have to wine and dine her because she knows the real you already, and you don't have any facades to keep up, no pretenses to preserve. You're not trying to get anything of substance out of her.

She's not easy, but you know that she cares about you and is attracted to you, and that she'll give you the intimacy you need. And you know you don't have to explain yourself or the situation, that she'll be able to cope with the fact that this isn't the beginning of a relationship or that there's any possibility that you have any real romantic feelings for her. It won't bother her that you'll get up in the morning, put on your pants, say goodbye, and go on a date with the woman you've been mooning over for weeks who finally agreed to go out with you.

She'll settle for a goodbye hug and a promise to call her and tell her how the date went. She's just so cool . . . why can't all women be like that?! But deep down, if you really think about it (which you probably don't because to you, the situation between the two of you isn't important enough to merit any real thought), you know that it's really not fair. You know that although she would never say it, it hurts her to know that despite all her good points and all the fun you two have, you don't think she's good enough to spend any real time with. Sure, it's mostly her fault, because she doesn't have to give in to your needs.

Maybe she's too short, or a little overweight , or has a big birthmark on her forehead, or works at Taco Bell. Whatever the reason, somehow life has given her a lot of really great qualities but has left out the ones that men want (or think they want) in a woman.

So she remains forever the funny friend, the steadfast companion, the secret lover, and you go on searching for your goddess who will somehow be everything you ever wanted in a woman. You'll joke to her that she should be the best man at your wedding, and she'll laugh and make a joke about a smelly rental tux.

She doesn't captivate you with her beauty, or open doors with her smile. Mainly she blends in with the crowd. She's safe.

She doesn't want to be the center of attention and turn the heads of everyone in the room. But she wants to turn someone's head.

She wants to be special to someone, too. We all do.

She has feelings.

She has a heart.

In fact, she probably has a bigger and better heart than any woman you've ever known because she's had a front-row seat to The Mess That Is Your Life, and she likes you anyway.

She obviously sees something worthwhile and redeeming in you because although you've given her nothing, absolutely no reason to still be around, she is.

Anyway, yeah. I'm a Meantime Girl. Been one more times than I care to admit. I don't know the reason, really, and at this point I don't even care. I just want to let every guy know who's ever had the good fortune to have a Meantime Girl that we may be a lot of fun, but we cry, too. A lot.

And someday we won't be around.

------------------------------------------------------------

Off-Topic:

the past few days have been a testament to how screwed up i can be. a colleague of mine even jokingly commented that the phrase "when it rains, it pours" was very appropriate. then he added, "you have to make it stop."

so i thought i did. especially since i was feeling a bit lost and drowned in pending tasks. i finished them all last night, staying until one in the morning, so as not to keep them hanging when i take a day off. i was proud of myself for finishing. and i thought i did good.

but i woke up, and was told i didn't.

hay. i am starting to have second thoughts. i'm very much against quitting but i can't help but wonder, maybe i'd be better off with a desk job. or with any other job. just not this.

but i can't afford to stop. so i guess i'll just have to suck it up, be a girl (because being a man doesn't help me here, and oh no, being a woman doesn't either), and watch helplessly as it drains my life force to be replaced with boundless stress.

grabe. i think this post deserves the title, "Can I Just Die?! (Part 2)"